asylum [rafe cameron]

twenty-four

It's been about a day since I've seen Rafe. I wondered why he didn't make contact with me, however it was difficult to because I didn't have a phone.

Nothing bad has happened between us, we just haven't gotten the chance to see each other, I think.

I've been staying at the Hawk's Nest for most of the day, rarely at Barry's -  because he was a friend, not for the drugs. I was trying to be different. I really was.

I went for a walk, praying that I saw Rafe but I didn't, and I was too scared to go to his house after what happened last time.

I felt tired, so I decide to rest in the Hawk's Nest. I reach the ladder, but before I climb up, I see some light in the tiny room, who was in there?

I decided to find out, so I climb up, walking towards the light.

And I see JJ. He was smoking, and before I could go back, he saw me too.

"Shit- sorry." I stutter.

If he knew I was here, he would probably tell Kiara and she would rat me out to my mom. Meaning I would have no option but to go to the asylum.

And I haven't seen him since the hospital, it would probably be awkward between us.

"No I uh, wanted you to come." JJ says, looking down.

He wanted me to be here?

"Oh." I say,

He pats the floor next to him, making me walk closer and sit down on the floor next to him.

An awkward silence and smoke from JJ's joint filled the room for about a minute, until he spoke.

"I knew you would come."

"I've seen you here a lot."

"Shit no, not that I was stalking- I drove past here a lot." he stutters.

I laugh at him, I missed him. I missed the JJ I would spend my entire day laughing with.

"Remember when we both used to hide out here because of our dads." he chuckles.

"Yeah." I laugh awkwardly.

"We used to talk all night." he continues.

"And we-"

"JJ." I say.

"Yeah." he looks at me.

"Why'd you want me to come here?" I ask.

He pauses and sighs before truly answering.

"I just- wanted to talk to you."

"I miss, talking to you."

"I haven't seen you in a while."

"You doing okay?"

"Yeah I'm doing okay." I say.

"I mean, you know, okay." I laugh.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." he smokes.

"Damn, I wish Kie was here right now." he says.

Is he serious?

"What? To argue with me?" I laugh.

"No."

"Then what." I sounded annoyed.

"To tell you how I felt, cos I can't explain it myself."

What is he talking about?

"All things were good in my life, and I was thinking about my future for once."

"And then at that party-" he says.

"Oh my god." I laugh.

"I thought you were clean- you told me you were clean."

"Look- I- I wasn't in the-" I try to say.

"I thought you were happy."

"Or however you fucking describe that thing you get that's the closest to the emotion normal people call happy." he continues.

"I'm sorry-" I say.

"And you were clearly on drugs."

"I thought you were dead."

He sighs, looking down to not make eye contact with me. I never thought about it from his perspective. And I felt bad. Really bad.

"For that whole day you were in the hospital, I wouldn't talk to anyone."

"I was sure you were dead."

"And it was my fault for leaving you before, my fault for not helping you get better, my fault for fucking everything."

"You told me you wanted to be clean."

"Was I fucking selfish for believing you or-"

"No." I say.

"Then why'd you do it?"

"I don't know." I say.

"I was drunk and- and I was high." I mumble.

"I didn't wanna be here anymore." I say.

"You do now though, right?" he asks.

"Yeah- yeah." I reassure him.

A silence fills the room once again.

"When I found out you weren't dead, I was angry." he says.

"No- shit, I was relieved but I was angry that you had that power over me." he corrects himself.

"I was angry at you for a really long time."

"Are you still angry at me?" I ask.

"No. I don't know."

"Being angry at you hasn't gotten me anywhere." he says.

"I'm sorry JJ." I sigh.

"Yeah well, I'm glad your alive." he says.

"I am too."

"So you're still with Rafe then or?" he asks.

"I was never with him." I state.

"You can tell me, it's fine-"

"No- I actually wasn't."

"Well-" I stutter.

"Take your time." he looks in my eyes.

"He told me to keep the thing we had a secret."

"And after we- you know." I laugh awkwardly.

JJ's face looked disgusted.

"Stop." I laugh, nudging him to stop pretending to throw up.

I take a deep breath before telling him how I felt about Rafe.

"I- I was just, immediately in love?"

"In love?" he asks.

"Yeah." I say.

"I feel good about myself with him."

"And I don't feel that way a lot."

"And I'm sorry he wasn't good to the pogues but he's- he's getting better, you know?"

"Yeah." JJ purses his lips.

"So you really like him?" he asks.

"I do."

"I really do." I smile.

"Well then I'm happy for you."

"Seriously?" I raise my eyebrows, not believing what he just said.

"After everything he's done, I don't know why you picked that douche but-"

JJ gets interrupted by us both turning around instantly after hearing a creak behind us, seeing a figure climb up the ladder.

At first I thought it was Rafe, seeing as he knows this place and knows I would probably be here.

But to my surprise, I see my sister instead.