~+ Outcasts +~+ Lo'ak x fem reader +~

Chapter 19 {Atala's PoV}

After spending the day with Lo'ak, I was dreading my return home. Not only did I not want to leave the happy bliss of being Lo'ak's girlfriend, but I knew that when I returned home, a long, harsh lecture would be waiting for me. 

Sure enough, when I entered my Mauri pod, Ronal and Tonowari were waiting for me. They both wore stern faces and they were already sitting. They were waiting for me.

"Sit, girl." Tonowari booms. "We need to further discuss your new...relationship."

I barley stop myself from rolling my eyes as a wave of anger and irritation rolls over me. I tilt my chin up as I sit down. There will almost certainly be an argument and I will not be backing down.

"First of all, how did you and the Sully boy begin talking as more than friends?" Tonowari says, launching into the interrogation.

"The night that they arrived, I went to the beach for a while. Lo'ak caught up with me and we got to talking." I say. "And we've been meeting up most days since Ao'nung fought with Neteyam and Lo'ak. But it was never anything romantic until the day where Ao'nung left Lo'ak out by Three Brothers' Rocks."

That's mostly the truth. While we never actually did anything romantic before that day, the tension was there. I liked Lo'ak at that point, and I know Lo'ak liked me even before that.

"And why didn't you tell us about your meetings?" Ronal asks sharply.

"Because I figured you would react negatively." I say calmly, although theres a hint of anger in my voice. "And you're only proving that theory with this conversation."

"Do you even like him?" Ronal says, ignoring my words. "Or do you just find that dating Toruk Makto's son is thrilling?"

"Of course I like him! See, I knew you would do this!" I cry, loosing my temper. "Why must you always think the worst of me? For once, just try to see thing from my point of view. Just try to See me!"

Those words stun Tonowari and Ronal into silence. While all of us were aware that they don't See me, we don't acknowledge it, carefully dancing around the subject. We normally at least pretend that they even somewhat See me. 

"We do not See you because you are not even supposed to be with us." Tonowari seems to regain his voice. "You are not supposed to be with us! We lost great friends for you."

"Tonowari, no!" Ronal cries out. "We swore we would not tell her!"

"Tell me what?" I furrow my brows, my suspicion rising. "What's going on?"

"Your parents, they did not leave." Tonowari starts to say.

"We swore an oath!" Ronal says, standing up, her voice rising. "An oath to El'enia and O'lexy!"

"Who are El'enia and O'exy?" I ask. "Are those my parents' names?" I was never told the names of my parents. Ronal and Tonowari insisted that I do not need to know, that it would not be beneficial to dwell on past events. They thought I would go searching for my parents. As if I would care enough to look for the ones who abandoned their baby.

"Your parents did not leave." Tonowari continues, ignoring Ronal. "They died."

The shock sets in. It's almost better. They wouldn't have left if they hadn't died. It's sort of a weight being lifted off my chest. I wasn't abandoned by choice. "How did they die?" I ask.

Tonowari and Ronal lock eyes. Ronal gives the slightest nod of her head. "Your mother died due to complications during your birth." She explains. "Your father couldn't bear the loss of his mate, and could not stand the sight of the child who be believed killed his mate. He died a few days later while flying on his Ikran. I don't believe it was an accident."

"Your mother predicted something would go wrong, and she knew her mate would not handle it well." Tonowari says. "I was very close with El'enia, so she made me swear that I would take you in if she died and her mate could not handle it."

The pain set in again, but this time, more raw, more fresh. It feels like a stab in the gut. If it weren't for me, my mother would still be alive and my father wouldn't have died. It's my fault that they're not here.

"Did my father ever say he loved me?" I ask hoarsely. "Did he show any affection?"

Ronal looks apologetic, which I could never have anticipated. "Once, just before your mother started to lose her vitals." 

My father quite literally wanted nothing to do with me. He couldn't even be bothered to stay alive. I would rather my father be alive and emotionally unavailable rather than dead.

"Thank you." I say quietly. I don't wait for their response and slip out of the Marui pod. I have two places to go, all before I break down.

I rush to the Sully's Marui pod. "Excuse me, is Lo'ak in?" I ask as I approach. I walk into the pod to see Lo'ak and his parents. Lo'ak is under his fathers arm in a sort of embrace. His mother is in the back, cooking. 

"I-I'm so sorry. But it's sort of an emergency." I say, my voice cracking. That gets Lo'ak's attention even more. He has never seen me even get close to tears, and we've talked about some heavy stuff. He's definitely more concerned now.

He turns to his parents. I think they also know something is very wrong because they let him know and Neytiri is gazing at me with a worried, sympathetic look that can only come from a mother. Lo'ak rushes to me and we leave.

I hold his hand as we go to the cove. He knows I don't want to talk about it here in public.

We sit down as soon as we're on the sandy shore. "What's wrong? Did you get yelled at?" He asks, his forehead creasing in concern.

"No - I mean, yes, I did, but that's not why I'm upset." I take a breath before telling Lo'ak what my parents told me. I tell myself I'm not going to break and cry, but that's a lie. As soon as I open my mouth, a tear rolls down my face. As soon as I'm done retelling the story, my face is wet and stained with tears. The sand beneath me is dotted with drops from my tears.

"Oh, God, Atala." He pulls me into a tight embrace. "That's fucked up."

I'm still holding it together. If I let go, my body would be wracked with heavy sobs, screams. But I don't. I have to hold on. 

Lo'ak leans back and examines my face. "Why are you still holding it in?" He asks as he pulls me back into the embrace. "I can tell that this isn't all there is to let out."

I wipe my tear stained face. "If I let myself fall apart, I don't think I'll be able to put myself back together." The last time I let myself do that was the first time I had to spend the night out of the Mauri pod. I punched Ao'nung because he was making fun of me, and I lost it. I was 11, and terrified of being exposed outside at night. I cried all through the night and it had taken the rest of the next day to even will myself to move. I wasn't back to normal for several days. And that was nothing compared to what I'm feeling now. I can't do it.

"Then I'll help you put yourself back together." Lo'ak says. "You're not alone anymore. I'm here. Always."

An overwhelming wave of gratefulness washes over me. What on Pandora did I do to deserve such a sweet boyfriend. "Thank you."

And then I let go.

The sobs come slowly at first. Then my entire body is heaving in the wretched sobs of grief. Grief for the parents that I never knew, grief for a lost childhood, a lost mother, a lost family. The shouts of anger are next. And then the numb quietness after I have no more tears to shed, no more screams to let out. Simply no more energy to be upset. I'm laying on the sand, my head in Lo'ak's lap. He was amazing throughout all of it. He muttered comforting words as I sobbed, patiently rubbed my back as I screamed. He gently says to me that he's going to let his parents know that he's spending the night here with me, that he'll bring back blankets.

I vaguely remember him leaving and quickly returning. He explains that his parents were sympathetic, sorry for me. I don't register much of it. Lo'ak helps me over to a little overhang near the edge of the beach. He helps me lay down and he takes his place next to me, spreading the blanket over us. I'm nestled into the crook of his arm, his other arm resting protectively on top of me. I start to drift off to sleep. As I do, I hear three words from Lo'ak, in that odd world between sleep and awake. I'm not sure if I imagined them or not.

"I love you."