i hate this life

chapter 7

Nialls pov

I don't like to cry with my friends. They than see that my parents are right. That i am weak and never be able to be like my brothers.

"Why?" Connor asks again. I shrug and we sit down somewhere in the cafeteria cus no one is around anyway. "Do your brothers know?" Connor asks. "Do yours?" I ask him back. I am kinda annoyed that i showed how weak i am to them.

If they know how weak i really am they just laugh at me like everyone else did. "Niall please answer the why?" Luke says worried. "Cus i am stupid" i say. They shake their heads. "Did all those tik toks get in your head?" Ashton asks. They are all worried. I don't answer. I am scared that they just hurt me or really think i am stupid.

"Please tell us niall! We just wanna help you" tristan says. "I saw a tik tok about us as the family and not much later i saw a video about self-harm. Louis and i had a fight right before that and i thought i could try it" i say looking down.

"You know from me how addictive it is and you still tried it?" Connor asks me. "Yeah" i just say. "Why didn't you just told us? We need you around Niall" Ashton asks. 

Telling you would show how weak i am, telling you will just make you laugh, I am gay but that is wrong even tho you all wouldn't think that. I just wanna kill myself. 

"Did something happen with your dad again?" Luke asks. I show them my stomach and back. They gasp. "Was that before you came?" Tristan asks and i nod. 

"Who the hell did that to you?" We turn around and we see Louis and Zayn there. I have no idea what to say. I can't tell them it is dad cus they will just laugh and never believe me. 

"Answer Louis Niall" Zayn says sternly. Before i can answer Ashton does. "He doesn't have to if he doesn't want to answer. Besides why would you care?!" He is kinda angry. 

"It is fine Ash, it were james and Brad but i already handled it don't worry" I say. "They are always jealous. Can we talk to you?" Louis asks. I shake my head, i am not in the mood to talk to louis ever again. 

It really hurt what he said last night. "Please?" Louis asks again. "NO! You hate me anyway! You made it very clear! See ya Louis!" I yell at him. 

They walk away and i grab my lighter and i wanna play again but someone grabs it away. It's michael. 

Michael, Calum and Evie sit down with us. "You need help and someone needs to give you that" Calum tells me. "Oh thanks mate! Didn't realize that! Everyone at home will know i cut myself and my parents will think i am some weird emo!" I make myself fall on the ground. 

"Or worse!" i say just laying on the ground. "What do you mean?" Connor asks. "Well, they will maybe think i have bad friends and i can't see them anymore. Or just ground me or hit me. Anyhow i am a dead person" I say.

After school
Nialls pov

We arrive home and i go to my room. I hear a knock and not much later my mother walks in.

"I remember holding you for the first time, you were born 1 month to early. It made me so happy that day. I know you'd made it" she says. 

"Now i found out the blood is yours and i can't live with that. Niall why didn't you tell anyone here?" i scoff and look away. Now she wants me to be nice, after 15 years? 

"Okay i know i am not the best mother to you but you could have told me!" She says. I get a little angry at her.

"No mom! I can't tell any of you any fucking things! You and dad either yell at me or hit me! Or it gets better mom! You tell me how fat i am! You did it since i was 4 years old! i know you want a girl okay? Leave my fucking room! I don't wanna see you and don't think i am coming down for fucking dinner!" I tell her angry.

"Okay i'll tell your dad that you don't feel so well but please eat something" she says. I shrug and she leaves the room.