Two different world

tuwenti

"Mom, I'm leaving for barely two days!" I wriggle out of her embrace, exasperated.

"But it's Bangkok! This has got nothing to do with Chiang Mai!"

"Mom, just let the poor thing go already." Mind's voice comes from the back of the car. I give her a grateful look in the rear-view mirror, willingly ignoring the comment and wondering why Mind insisted on going with me and mom at the train station in the first place.

My mom gives me a last kiss on the cheek and I immediately wipe it off with the back of my hand.

"Be good Becky."

I sigh. "Yes Mom. Bye! See you Mind." I shout over my shoulder as I finally get out of the car, grabbing my small luggage.

I start to make my way towards the entrance when I hear Mind calling my name behind me.

"Bec, wait!"

I turn around to face her, questioning look on my face. "What?"

"Just... don't do anything stupid, ok?" I furrow my eyebrows because I exactly know to what, or more like to whom, she's referring to. "I mean, don't do anything that you'll regret later... I was going to say don't do anything I wouldn't do but then I guess this gives you a wide range of possibilities so..."

We both giggle but I'm aware Mind really means what she's saying. It's nice to see her care about me like that; Mind's always been overly protective and it used to bother me but today, it feels pretty good.

I pull her into a quick hug. "Thanks Mind. I'll keep that in mind."

She smiles before slapping my bum. "Now go rock Bangkok, bitch!"

When I arrive inside the train station, all the others are already there, gathered around a rather nervous looking Doug.

"Becky, there you are! Great, now I think we're all ready to board the train!" Doug greets me enthusiastically and I have to stifle a laugh when I notice the pink hat he's sporting.

"Hi Doug! Sorry if I'm late, my Mom wouldn't let me go..." I give small smiles to Olivia and Sydney, noticing the way Freen's own hesitant smile instantly drops when I merely look at her.

I spent the whole week thinking, processing what happened between her and me and past the initial pain and hurt and just plain confusion, I found myself drowning in a feeling I never thought I could feel with such intensity; anger. Laced with bitterness and resentness.

Against Freen, because of the way she acted and probably because I'm too conscious of the power she still seems to have over me, but also against myself because even if I completely let the anger invade me when I'm awake, I can't help the way my dreams constantly drift back to Freen at night.

But for now, I surrender to the anger. Turns out it hurts somehow less if I pretend not to care. If I pretend I can't stand Freen. If I hurt her as well. Because anger's easier to deal with than pain- it consumes you but allows you to bring others down with you as well.

In the train, Freen and I sit together, Doug insisting teams should be spending as much time together as possible during the weekend since the prize has been won as teams.

It's still pretty early and as the train starts its journey out of Chiang Mai, I lean my head on the cold window, absentmindedly staring at the trees and the houses we pass by until the colors become all blurry from the accelerating train.

In front of me, Sydney and Olivia are chatting animatedly with Doug, the corners of my mouth twitching upwards when Olivia suddenly bursts out laughing. She has a very contagious laugh.