what if? // sebastian sallow

In the Shadow of Old Friendships

When I wake up the next morning, the events from last night seem like a fever dream. I can hardly believe that I actually held Sebastian in my arms after all these years, and that we cried together. It was such an immense release that I had been needing for a very long time. It feels like the weight of the world has fallen off of my shoulders. It was the first night I've had in a long time that was completely free of nightmares.

I have a desperate desire to speak with Ominis today. The way we had drifted apart because of our issues with Sebastian never did sit right with me. I often feel that I should have been a better friend and support to him. Instead, I selfishly let us drift apart to avoid reminders of Sebastian. It was never fair for me to coalesce them into the same person. Maybe I'm no better than Sebastian.

I force myself out of bed and head to the common room restrooms to wash up and get ready for the day. I hum to myself as I walk into the restroom, and see Imelda brushing her teeth at one of the sinks.

"Feeling chipper today, eh, Jasmine? What's got you in such a good mood all of a sudden?" Imelda teases.

"I just finally had a good night of sleep," I say laughing, purposely refraining from spilling the whole truth to her.

It may sound juvenile, but I fear to tell Imelda that I've reconnected with Sebastian. Over the years, Imelda has lent a listening ear to countless rants I've had about him. As a result of that, she has formed a very negative opinion of him, and rightfully so at that.

I don't know if I feel emotionally ready to answer the deep, hard questions she would likely ask me, and the judgment and concern that I may have to face from her. I know Imelda always has my best intentions in mind as a true friend, but it can be emotionally overbearing sometimes. I keep it to myself for now, justifying to myself that I will tell her everything when I feel ready. I just need some time to process it myself first.

After I wash up and get ready, I take a look in the mirror before I head out. My dyed rose-gold hair falls in natural waves around my face, and my light hazel eyes stare back at me, with slightly more of a spark than I'm used to, despite the deep bags under them. I'm off from classes today, so I skip the Slytherin robes and opt for a light blue and grey plaid tunic, tight grey slacks, and detailed dark grey boots that come up to just below the knees.

I purposefully head straight to the Great Hall, knowing I'll likely find Ominis there. No matter the day, Ominis is very consistent with showing up for breakfast. It's something he doesn't like to miss. "My day just doesn't feel right without a proper breakfast." The line I've heard him say so many times fondly echoes through my mind.

When I arrive at the crowded Great Hall, I'm walking towards the Slytherin house table when I immediately spot Ominis seated at the corner of the table with a girl across from him, deeply engaged in conversation.

Even with her back to me, I recognize her from the short brown hair, small stature, and Hufflepuff robes immediately. Poppy has made her way to the Slytherin table to sit with Ominis.

Though there is nothing inherently unusual about him sitting with Poppy, there's something emotional about the way they're leaning so close to each other while speaking, and the way she reaches up intimately to brush some crumbs off of his lips. Her fingers seem to linger for a second longer than necessary, and he smiles. It makes me ponder upon the nature of their relationship.

Hoping I'm not interrupting something, I continue walking towards them. I can hear her laughter tinkling softly. I've always thought she is such a beautiful person, so I would be thrilled if she ever ended up with Ominis. I see Ominis say something to her, and she immediately turns around. I'm not surprised he sensed my presence before she had the chance to see me. She breaks into a wide smile when we make eye contact.

"Hello, Jasmine! Oh, Merlin, it's been far too long since I've last seen you. You never do take me up on my offers for butterbeer, we need to change that! Please join us!"

"Hi, Poppy! Good morning, Ominis," I greet them, as I slide onto the bench next to Poppy.

"Good morning, Jasmine. I trust you're ready for a proper breakfast?" Ominis asks.

I laugh. Ominis and his proper breakfast. Some things just never change.

"Ominis, there's actually something that I want to speak with you about whenever you have time today. Privately," I say, feeling a little awkward to intrude on Poppy like this.

"Of course. We can head somewhere private as soon as I finish with my breakfast. Why don't you also have something to eat while I finish up?"

I pour myself some tea, which I lighten up with sugar and creamer, and grab a croissant from the trays near us.

Poppy, Ominis, and I catch up and laugh, with the sunlight streaming through the windows of the Great Hall. They tell me about how they are planning to take a ride together on Highwing later in the day. Their banter feels like a welcome shift from the darker, emotionally charged night I had. Somewhere, though, in the deep recesses of my mind, moments with Sebastian still linger and replay themselves in a loop.

The top button of Seb's shirt undone. The way he pulled me into his arms. His tears on my skin. The octave of his voice dropping when he asked me about Amit. Was that jealousy I detected? Or just friendly concern?

I gulp down the hot tea, desperately trying to find a distraction from my thoughts, and force myself back into the moment with Ominis and Poppy.

I can't let him have this effect on me. Not again.