what if? // sebastian sallow

In the Shadow of Her Last Wish

Suggested soundtrack: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi

I wake up to the sound of some students walking about and conversing quietly in the common room. I blink my eyes open slowly and adjust to my surroundings, remembering that I fell asleep in Sebastian's company last night.

I see Sebastian still at my feet on the other end of the couch, but he's fallen asleep with his book open on his lap, his head slumped onto the backrest. I can't help but smile at the endearing sight.

I sit up slowly and whisper, jostling his arm gently. "Seb, wake up."

His eyes immediately shoot open and he sits up quickly. "Are you alright?! Did you have a bad dream?" he asks with immediate concern, his voice hoarse with exhaustion.

I laugh. "No, no, I'm fine. Looks like we both fell asleep here last night." I glance at the clock on the common room wall. "It's 8 AM, almost time for classes to start."

Sebastian tiredly rakes his fingers through his hair and closes his book, standing up to stretch. "I'm glad you were at least able to get a few hours of sleep," he says. "I'd be happy to do this anytime you need it."

My brain can't even fully process the thought right now of more late nights with Sebastian, but I appreciate the gesture. "That means more to me than you know. You've more than made up for the other night."

He smiles softly. "I'll continue making it up to you, I promise. Anyways, I'll be on my way now to get ready for class. I'll see you later, Jazz," he says, waving goodbye and heading towards the boys' dormitory.

I watch him fondly as he disappears into the ever-growing crowd of students in the common room. I know he's trouble for me, but I can't seem to stop aching to be around him.

***

Most of my classes for the day pass in a blur. However, in Beasts Class, I do notice that Poppy's spirits seem lower than usual. The usual sparkle in her eye and excitement in her voice when interacting with any type of magical creature is missing. She seems dull, just going through the motions, her mind drifting elsewhere. Though we hadn't talked much in a while until recently, I've always noticed her energy in class, completely happy and in her element.

I release some kibble for my Niffler at hand, then walk over to Poppy's table. "Is everything alright, Poppy? You seem off."

"I...," she hesitates, catching my eye, but I see her mental resolve kicking in and the moment fades quickly. "I'm perfectly fine," she says, forcing a smile.

I'm not convinced, but I don't feel close enough to Poppy to press. "Okay...but if you ever need anything, I'm here, okay? Don't hesitate to talk to me."

"Thanks, Jasmine. But there's nothing to worry about, really. I'm perfectly well."

I head back to my table and finish the rest of the Beasts Class wondering about what on earth could be plaguing Poppy's beautiful mind. As far back as I can remember, I don't think I've ever seen her in a bad mood. She's always been a ray of sunshine, regardless of the circumstances.

***

When I head back to the dormitories that night, I'm somewhat surprised to receive an owl from Ominis.

Jasmine,

I apologize that this is such a last minute request. But please meet me at the Undercroft tonight as soon as you can come. Tell no one, especially not Sebastian. It's important. It's about Anne.

Ominis

My heart stops. Anne? I've been in the dark for the last few years as to her whereabouts. Hell, I didn't even know if she was alive or dead until Sebastian mentioned her recently. And I suspect that even he hasn't physically seen her and they've only communicated through letters.

I had completely given up on the Sallows and had tried to put everything behind me. So having them both appear back into my life around the same time is jarring.

I drop everything and Floo travel to the Undercroft immediately. Tonight doesn't feel like a night where there is time to saunter the empty Hogwarts hallways to leisurely make my way there.

As soon as I enter the Undercroft, I see Ominis pacing back and forth, head in his hands, completely consumed by concern.

"Thank Merlin you're here Jasmine. I've been going absolutely mad today and desperately needed to speak with you," Ominis says, as soon as he senses my presence.

"What's happened, Ominis?" I ask, fear looming in my stomach, wanting him to spit it out already.

"I received a letter from Anne. She's asked me not to mention it to Sebastian. She's returning to Feldcroft, and she wants to meet with us. From her letter, it was sounding like...the end is near for her."

I feel physical pain in my chest. "Can I see the letter?" I need to see it for myself, not able to process the words I am hearing.

He hands it to me, and waits for me to finish reading.

Dearest Ominis,

You've been a beautiful friend to me during my life. And I'll never forget Jasmine's friendship either, though I haven't spoken with her in a while now. I felt it was best for me to break contact with her; I was reminding her of Sebastian. She needed to forget about Sebastian to move on, and I wanted to give her the chance to be able to do that. I knew as long as I was in her life, she would not be able to let go of him completely. So I stopped replying to her letters, and eventually she stopped sending them. It broke my heart, but I do think it was for the best.

But I digress. The reason I am sending this letter is because I am coming back to Feldcroft. My illness has only been worsening, and I must admit, I had never even thought I would be able to live as long as I have.

I want to see you for one last time, Ominis. And please bring Jasmine too.

I request you that you don't tell Sebastian. If he sees me like this – I fear he will do something rash to try to save me. I can't afford to let him hurt any more people on my behalf, and I don't trust him anymore the way I used to. His fear of losing me has grown too strong, and as much as I love him, I fear the consequences of his actions. He almost ruined his own life and I don't want him to do that again. Unlike me, he has a long life ahead of him that I want him to live to the fullest. You may think it's wrong of me to request this – but it's my choice. Please respect it.

Please come tomorrow night at midnight, and ensure that no one sees you. I'll be waiting at my home in Feldcroft.

Anne

I hand the letter back to Ominis, my hands trembling.

We stand in silence for a moment, then I wrap my arms around him, and he returns my hug in kind. Our embrace is full of sorrow and lost hope. 

"It seems the time has come, Jasmine. I fear seeing Anne's condition tomorrow, but at least I'll have you by my side. Poppy is upset with me – I've gotten close with her, so recently I've had her reading my letters to me, and she saw this letter. She thinks Anne's request is unforgivable, but Poppy has no idea what Sebastian has done. And of course, I could not tell her. So it's been difficult for her to imagine what would cause Anne to make this request, and she thinks I'm a sorry excuse for a friend for keeping it a secret from Sebastian. Oh, what a dilemma I find myself in."

My heart breaks for Ominis. Even when faced with losing Poppy, his loyalty to Sebastian wins over everything. The world doesn't deserve someone like Ominis in it.

"We'll figure it out," I promise, still holding him for comfort. But my mind races.

There's no way I'll be able to live with seeing Anne without Sebastian at my side. And more importantly – what if there is a cure we haven't found yet?