what if? // sebastian sallow

In the Shadow of Moonlight

Suggested soundtrack: Daddy Issues - The Neighbourhood

When the clock strikes midnight, Ominis and Poppy decide to call it a night. After multiple rounds of butterbeers, Ominis had started to look drowsy, and eventually his head fell onto Poppy's shoulder and she giggled.

"I think this one here has had enough," she says, laughing.

"Can't argue there. Ominis used to be a night owl, but he's become a bit of an old croak these days," Sebastian jokes, and I hit his arm playfully.

"Leave poor Omi alone. Who wouldn't fall asleep after listening to you talk for so many hours?" I tease.

"I'm...awake," Ominis mumbles sleepily, blinking his eyes open slowly.

The three of us laugh at his unconvincing display. "Shall we all walk back together?" Poppy asks us.

Sebastian and I share a look. There's something in his eyes I can't quite read.

"You go on ahead. Jasmine and I might have one last round here before we head back," Sebastian speaks for us, catching me by surprise.

"Brilliant, hope you two have a great time. Let's keep in touch. Maybe we can do this again next week?" Poppy asks, hope lacing her voice.

"Of course, Poppy. We should meet and catch up more often. Maybe we can all go for a picnic with Highwing too someday, because I'm sure you're missing her here."

"You know me too well, Jasmine," she says, beaming, as she and Ominis stand up from the table.

"Other than Sebastian's rambling putting me to sleep, it was nice seeing the two of you together again. Stay out of trouble now, won't you? It's probably not the best idea to leave you here together at this hour in the night. Next thing I know, I'll hear news that you two managed to get yourselves killed in the forbidden forest," Ominis says.

I can't help but laugh that he's still worrying about us, despite his drowsiness. I think Ominis would make a wonderful father someday, with his caution and protectiveness. "Don't fret, Ominis, we won't be going on any escapades tonight. Go back to the dorms and get some sleep. We'll see you later," I say.

With their final goodbyes, Poppy and Ominis head out of the Three Broomsticks, leaving me alone with Sebastian. He quickly slides off of the bench we are sharing, and slides into the one across from me, so we are eye to eye.

Just the thought of being alone with him sets my skin alight. I look into his eyes, trying not to melt into the fire that seems to be consuming them. The dim light of the pub casts a gentle shadow onto his features. The contour of his jawline. The soft freckles on his skin. His soft lips.

"Just one more drink," I say.

He lets out a low chuckle. "One more drink." He smiles at me again, and a rush of warm comfort engulfs me.

"I'd been waiting all week to see you," he says, like he did in his letter, and it sends a thrill down my spine. "I wasn't finished earlier when we got interrupted by Ominis. I wanted to say – I don't want us to just reminisce on how we used to be anymore. I don't want to think about all the time we missed out on together anymore – it's my fault, just let me take the blame. But let's make memories now, Jazz. Let's put it all behind us."

He takes one of my hands into his. He runs his thumb over the back of my hand, and I just watch that motion, mesmerized, not sure how to respond.

"It's not that easy, Sebastian," I finally say.

"It could be that easy," he says. He pushes his fingers through mine slowly, until our hands are completely entwined.

"What exactly do you want from me? Where do you see yourself in my life?" I say, suddenly exasperated. With Sebastian, sometimes it feels like I'm living on his terms, as if he can say the word, and magically I'll be over three years of ghosting. He wasn't there when I was living with the immense pain of what we had been through, the moments that I almost lost hope, the dark times when I had no one to turn to. I had to rebuild a life for myself, and now he wants to come back and easily pretend all of that never happened.