what if? // sebastian sallow

In the Shadow of Second Chances

The next morning, I wake up with the sweet memory of Sebastian's lips on mine last night, his hands on my skin. For a moment, I wonder if I had only dreamed of it, but I feel a rush of elation when it sinks in that it actually happened. It feels like a relief, to have finally broken through the barrier of romantic tension between us, and to have allowed myself to yield to him.

My high spirits dampen immediately when I see that I've received an owl from Ominis; my heart throbs with anxiety at the sight of it. I assume that my betrayal of Anne's secret has been revealed to him by Poppy, and I can only imagine his reaction to it. As much as I know Sebastian will always be my topmost priority, it did still hurt me to go against Anne and Ominis. I wish it weren't all so complicated, that the lines of morality weren't so blurred.

Jasmine,

I've heard from Poppy that you went to see Anne with Sebastian. I'm at a loss on how to express how I feel about this. I genuinely didn't think you would tell Sebastian, knowing how impulsive he can be. We are very fortunate that he chose not to lose his temper over this. It could have very well gone another way. I don't know what more I can say other than that I'm very disappointed in your choice.

That being said, I am glad that Sebastian heard the news from you rather than from Poppy. With how distraught Poppy appeared to be, I'm sure she would have approached Sebastian if you hadn't gotten to him first. I do have a feeling that he handled it better because it came from you. I can see he trusts you and values your judgment.

What's done is done now, let's leave it in the past. But, please...for any further communication with Anne, let her initiate it. Do not approach her without her consent.

Ominis

Ominis's letter has a hint of judgment, of disdain; it makes me feel a sharp pang of guilt again for my choices. However, I know that the bond I have with Sebastian is far stronger than my bond with anyone else, and it was inevitable for me to spill the truth to him. I don't regret my decision in the slightest.

I wonder if I should go speak with Ominis about this in person, but I dread the sense of disappointment from him that would likely loom over me. Instead, I decide to write back to him.

Ominis,

I'm so sorry that things had to go this way, but I was following in my heart. It felt wrong not to tell Sebastian about Anne being here. I know you do not agree with me, and I respect that. We will definitely adhere to Anne's wishes for now on, and won't show up unannounced again. I hope that you can forgive me for this, and that you and I can still be friends.

Jasmine

After I send off the letter and get dressed, I head down to the common room to make a cup of coffee for the morning. My heart skips a beat when I see Sebastian standing next to the fireplace. The memories of the night before come flooding back, and I suddenly feel anxious to approach him. It's unclear to me what level of closeness I should treat him with today. What even are we to each other?

Before I have a chance to paralyze myself in place with my thoughts, Sebastian notices me and beckons me over excitedly. "Jazz...Anne sent me a letter!"

My spirits rise again immediately and I walk over to join him. "What did she say?!"

"She's leaving Feldcroft in two days so she's asking me to come visit her then. She said she feels bad about how she treated me the last time we met, and she's been reflecting on it over the last few days," Sebastian relays to me, his eyes desperately scanning over the letter in his hand.

Once he finishes reading, he looks to me, his eyes warm, and I struggle to force the thoughts of last night out of my mind again.

"Will you come with me when I go, Jazz? Please?"

I'm caught by surprise at his request. "Are you sure? She won't be upset about me joining you there? " I ask, worried about alienating Anne even further. I know she's already upset with me.

Sebastian pushes the letter into my hands, pointing at a specific line.

I know you and Jasmine are inseparable, and if you're planning to visit me, you must already be thinking about bringing her along. I will leave it up to you.

"Sebastian, that doesn't sound terribly promising about her wanting me there," I warn, handing the letter back to Sebastian.

"I don't care, Jazz. I need you there. I don't know if I can handle this without you," he admits, taking my hand, his fingers warm around mine.

I sigh. "You know I'll come if that's what you really want, Sebastian. I'm in."

He smiles warmly, and to my surprise, he pulls me in for a quick kiss right there in the middle of the busy common room, his lips melting against mine without hesitation.

Quick enough not to draw much attention from the students milling around us, but still slow enough to set my heart on fire.

"See you later, Jazz," he says, giving me a small wave and walking off towards the staircase, heading to class.

My eyes scan the common room, and I spot Imelda in the distance, looking directly at me, smiling knowingly. Nothing escapes her. I feel my cheeks flush.

***

That night, I take some time to myself in the Room of Requirement, poring over notes that I have collected about my ancient magic over the years. Though I have the deepest of doubts, there is still an ounce of my being somewhere inside me that refuses to take no for an answer when it comes to curing Anne. I'm determined to persuade her to let me give it a try when I visit her.

It's been a painstaking process, putting all of the details altogether; it's a convoluted mess of information gathered from word of mouth, ancient texts, and memories of the keepers and Isidora.

From the information I've gathered so far, it's still unclear to me whether I can use my powers to remove pain in a safe way. Clearly, when Isidora had tried to remove emotional pain, it left behind a shell of the person. The cost of removing emotional pain seems too high, though I still wonder if there is a way to refine the process to avoid emptying the person's emotional capacity completely.

The main difference for me is that I'm working with physical pain. If I can use my ancient magic to remove the dark curse from Anne, I doubt it will interfere with her emotions. But this type of magic is highly complicated and mysterious; it's difficult to know what the consequences of it will be.

The only solace I have is knowing that it's worth it to take the risk now, whatever the outcome may be, considering how little time Anne may have left otherwise.

The thought hardly provides any comfort.