what if? // sebastian sallow

In the Shadow of a Cure

The next night, I meet Ominis in the Undercroft. His expression is solemn, our moods dark. We exchange brief hellos, our thoughts clouded by worries of what we are about to see. We Floo travel together to Feldcroft, and walk to the Sallow house. The lights are on inside, a welcoming sight, but fear looms in the pit of my stomach.

Ominis and I hesitate at the door, exchanging an apprehensive glance, before I raise my fist to gently knock.

After ten seconds of anxious waiting, the door swings open to reveal Anne in a wheelchair. "Ominis! Jasmine! It's so good to..."

She doesn't even finish getting her sentence out before she enters a bout of ragged coughing, her frail body shivering wildly.

Ominis rushes to her side while I close the door behind us. He kneels beside her wheelchair, laying a hand on her arm to comfort her while she coughs, not certain if there is any way to help her.

Anne's skin has grown extremely pale, her eyes sunken deeper into her face than I remember, dark bags developed under them. She seems fragile, paper thin, as if even a gust of wind might hurt her.

When her coughing subsides, she smiles weakly, gasping to take a breath of air. "I'm so glad you were able to make it to see me."

"Of course we came," I say, kneeling down by her side as well to take her hand. Her fingers tremble in mine, and her grip on my hand is weak. "Where have you been, Anne? How are you?"

"I temporarily went to another hamlet to live with one of Uncle Solomon's close friends. She took me into her care for some time after I told her he passed in his sleep. She tried for some time as well to find a cure for me, even though I told her it was futile. She had me see many doctors, but nothing came of it, as I expected. And my condition has only been – ." Anne starts to cough again, interrupting herself.

I bring her a glass of water, and she takes it gratefully, sipping on it until her cough subsides again.

".... has only been worsening. I fear the end is near for me," she finishes.

Ominis and I exchange another look. "Don't say that, Anne. I can't bear the thought of it," Ominis says.

"I don't want to withhold the truth from you. How is Sebastian?" Anne asks, her voice going soft.

"He's doing okay, but he's worried about you. He told me he hadn't heard from you in a while," I say.

Anne winces, and I'm not sure whether it's from pain or the thought of Sebastian's worry. "As my health declined, I thought it was best for him to stop thinking of me. I was growing fearful that he would do something rash."

"I don't know if that's fair, Anne. It's not possible for him to forget about you, whether he hears from you or not. And he's changed – you really should consider giving him another chance," I say, struggling to contain the turmoil of emotions that are churning inside me at Anne's words.

Anne's perceptive eyes search mine. "You really did always try to see the best in him, Jasmine. Maybe he has changed...but I'm not willing to take the risk that he hasn't. I want to make sure he doesn't ruin his life, even if it's the last thing that I ever do."

Even though I can't agree with her, I hold my tongue, not wanting to upset her in this condition.

"What's your plan now, Anne?" Ominis asks, picking up on the tension and changing the subject.

"I'll be here in Feldcroft for just a few days, I'm leaving some things here from me and from our parents that I want to pass on to Sebastian. Also, Uncle Solomon left this house in my name, so I'm going to research and complete what is legally required for me to pass it on to Sebastian. After that, I'll go back to the hamlet I was at, I find it far too gloomy and empty here nowadays."    

"When are you planning to tell Sebastian you're doing all this for him?" I ask.

"Once I've left Feldcroft. I want him to know that I love him and care about him...but I need him to know that it's over, we are done looking for a cure. I won't let him see me like this, he won't be able to bear it."

I struggle to hold back tears, listening to Anne speak about the future. My heart clenches at the thought of it – even though I can understand her choice about Sebastian, it feels cruel. I cannot say I would do the same in her position.

    ***

When I get back to the common room that night, Sebastian is pacing back and forth, book forgotten on the couch. I can sense his anxiety from across the room.

When he hears me enter the room, he looks over at me and reads my expression without saying a word.

"She's not well, is she?" he asks, his voice low and quiet, resigned to bad news after seeing the look on my face.

"If you want to see her, you have a few days before she leaves Feldcroft. I won't lie to you, Seb – I think if I were you, I'd go see her. Don't worry about me – I can deal with Anne and Ominis being upset with me."

He buries his face in his hands. "I wish it didn't have to come to this. I wish she actually cared about me enough to ask me herself to go see her."

"She does care about you. One could argue she cares too much. She's just trying to look out for you, in her own way, in a way that you and I don't relate to."

"I've spent so much of my life trying to save her – only for her to shut me out when it matters the most. I don't know how to feel, Jazz."

It hurts me to see Sebastian so distraught, especially knowing the depth of emotion he has for his sister. It took everything I had in me not to lose my temper on Anne earlier on Sebastian's behalf. I realized it wouldn't be right to force my opinions on her.

"Sebastian...there's something I want to talk to you about, but you have to think about it carefully and give me your honest opinion. We don't have much time, and it's something that's been on my mind."

"What is it, Jazz? You know you can tell me anything," Sebastian says.

"Remember I had told you about my ancient magic back in fifth year, and how I chose to harness the power from the reservoir? It's something I've been working on refining and researching for the last few years. Though I still can't be sure of the potential impact of trying to use my magic in a way that removes physical pain, I wonder if it might be worth trying if Anne is running out of time anyways. We never did get the chance to try to use my power since she left Feldcroft after –" I hesitate. "After what happened."

Sebastian's eyes light up, while my heart drops into my stomach. The only thing worse than seeing him sad is giving him temporary hope that may lead to nothing.

"You're willing to try, Jazz? It's been on my mind, but I didn't want to ask. I've spent time reflecting, and I realize I pushed you way too far regarding the keepers and your ancient magic in the past. Curing Anne is important, but I don't want to put you into any danger in the process. I was blind to that before."

"I do want to try. I'm not sure if it will work, or if Anne will even be willing, especially after she finds out that I've told you about her being here. But it might be our last chance to try something."

"I'll leave it to you. If you feel comfortable trying it, I sure as hell want to. If it doesn't work, at least we tried. But be sure it doesn't put you in any danger, Jazz. I can't lose you too."

Sebastian remaining calm while talking about a potential cure is new and unexplored territory. He's never been able to talk about it in the past without getting overexcited, irrationally angry, or both.

He takes my hand into his, his fingers cold and trembling from the anxiety, but his words still warm. "You're everything to me, Jazz. And I appreciate this more than you'll ever know. Sleep on it, and let's decide tomorrow."

His words continue to echo in my ears long into the night, still lingering in my mind as I try to fall asleep.

You're everything to me, Jazz.