what if? // sebastian sallow

In the Shadow of Fate

Suggested soundtrack: everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

After we finish breakfast, Ominis and I part ways with Poppy and decide to head to the library to talk. I see Poppy sneak Ominis a gentle kiss on the cheek before we're on our way, and I can't help but smile. I make a mental note to ask Ominis about her later.

In the library, we head upstairs to an alcove that's isolated and out of ear shot from other students. We each take a seat at a little wooden table in the corner.

"I trust everything is alright, Jasmine? It's unlike you to request to meet me like this," Ominis says.

I know he means well, but his words send a pang of guilt through my heart. I wish I had reached out to him more, I've missed the deep conversations I once used to have with him.

"I wish it wasn't unlike me to meet with you...and that's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, Ominis. I've been reflecting lately...and I've realized that I didn't do enough to keep our friendship together. I didn't ever want to lose you as a friend. I know we went through a lot in our fifth year and it was hard for us to see each other and remember everything that happened. But it was no excuse to let the friendship drift apart. I do miss the way things used to be, and I wanted to apologize to you."

Ominis's face softens, and he reaches out a hand to touch mine. "It's not your fault, Jasmine, don't blame yourself. I played a part in that too, and it was wrong of me as well. I think we both know what the problem was, and it's that we reminded each other of what we had lost in Sebastian. I don't think we can blame anyone for that," he comforts.

"I appreciate that, and maybe you're right. But I do apologize nonetheless. And I'm here to make amends. I'd love to start seeing you again more frequently, and if you ever need a friend, please don't hesitate to send me an owl. I know times have changed and it's impossible to try to recreate what our trio used to be in the past, but I want to be here for you now, in any way possible. In any way you'll have me."

Ominis smiles, and I swear I can see how genuine his soul is from his smile alone. "Don't complain now if you have twenty letters waiting for you from me at once sometimes. I can have a lot to say," he teases.

"I'll be delighted if you send me twenty letters," I say, laughing.

"Sincerely, though, thank you. I've thought about you a lot over the years, Jasmine. You were always a good friend to me, and that never changed. It was just the circumstances that got to us." Ominis squeezes my hand.

"Thank you for being so understanding and open, Ominis. You are genuinely one of the kindest souls I've ever met."

"You always did have a knack for mostly meeting terrible people," Ominis says, making me laugh like the old days.

"Ominis...do you have something to tell me about Poppy? And don't be coy now, because I saw how you two have been acting," I ask, teasing him.

I immediately notice his face light up, and he holds back a smile.

"Ah, Poppy. Not much to tell there. I haven't...we haven't...talked about it. But, as I'm sure you can tell, I think there is something there to explore. I trust I'll know when the time is right. I just have trouble trusting anyone to be that close to me in my life, regardless of the type of relationship - I've always struggled with that, but especially after everything that happened with Sebastian."

My heart aches that Sebastian's betrayal as a friend is affecting Ominis finding love. "Ominis, for what my opinion is worth. I think Poppy is a beautiful person and she would never hurt you. If your heart feels anything for her, take the leap. It could be a lovely world for you both together, and I think it will be. Give her a chance. If anyone in this world deserves your faith, it's her."

"I'll take that into consideration, Jasmine. Thank you," he simply says, still keeping his cards close to his heart. "How has everything been for you recently?"

I let out a long sigh, and he immediately catches on.

"You heard from Sebastian, didn't you?" he asks gently.

"How did you know that?!" I exclaim.

"I just know you, Jasmine. And I know him. And I know the incredible, unbreakable attachment you two have to each other, for better or for worse. I'll admit, I was surprised it took this long for you to reconnect. But I'm not at all surprised that it's finally happened."

"I don't know what to say, Ominis. After a certain amount of time passed, I genuinely thought I'd never see the day where I reconnected with Sebastian. I thought he was in my past for good."

Ominis ponders for a moment, then shakes his head. "No - he'd never be able to stay away from you for the rest of his life. It's a mystery how he lasted as long as he did."

It's as if Ominis thinks that Sebastian and I have some magical, everlasting bond to each other that prevents us from ever being able to leave each other alone. If only it was that easy.

If I knew Sebastian would eventually come back to me, my life for the last three years wouldn't have consisted of steaming mugs of coffee every night, an addiction to staying awake, away from the icy nightmares. I wouldn't have been burying myself in warm, oversized sweaters to try, just once, to stop shaking from the fear gripping me each night with its long cold fingers. I wouldn't have been waking up every morning, shaking to the core, stifling my sobs into my pillow so Imelda wouldn't have to come sit at my bedside and comfort me for hours. I suffered in silence, completely resigning myself to a colorless life without him.

"Maybe Sebastian knew he'd come back to me someday. But I didn't. But, yes, to answer your question, you're right, I did hear from him. I'm just not sure exactly how to move forward with him," I admit, my emotions still in turmoil from the night before.

"I can't say that I think you should let things go back to the way they used to be. He was dangerous for you, Jasmine. I didn't agree with the situations he dragged you into back in fifth year, especially when you were so new to Hogwarts and magic. You both could've gotten yourselves killed."

I nod, resigning myself to the fact that Ominis wouldn't want to see us together. But to my surprise, he continues speaking.

"But I know it's inevitable that you two won't be able to stay away from each other. I know how protective he is of you, and you of him. Sometimes Sebastian can be too headstrong, and he needs someone there that can help him think more rationally. I used to try to be this person for him, but he doesn't always listen to me. But I think he would listen to you. You seem to hold a special place in his heart. Maybe, if you are both able to find a balance in your outrageous decision-making, you'll be able to connect better than you did in fifth year."

I chuckle at his honesty. "Thank you for the advice, Ominis. I'll give it some thought. Let's keep in touch more. Maybe you, Poppy, Sebastian, and I can all grab butterbeers the next day we are off from classes. I want to keep my word of being a better friend to you."

"Of course, Jasmine. And again, I appreciate the apology, and please accept mine as well. I'll be sending you those twenty owls very soon."

We laugh as we head out of the library, and my heart at least feels relieved to have made amends with Ominis. As we walk out together though, something he said keeps replaying in my head.

"I know it's inevitable that you two won't be able to stay away from each other."

I'm not certain if I feel comforted or terrified that Ominis thinks that my connection with Sebastian is inevitable. He makes it sound like fate, already written in the stars. Makes me wonder how it ends.