"You might want to quiet down princess, there's plenty of time later for me to make you scream."
Payden Fields needs a break from the mess thats quickly become her life. After finding out her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend, and her mo...
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I've definitely had an eventful past few days. I had two great dates, with two amazing guys, and they both couldn't have gone any better. Both dates were equally as fun as the other. I really wasn't expecting Gray and I's date to be as much fun as it was. Im truly so thankful for the both of them, along with all my new friends. I don't know what I'd do without them, including my aunt Sydney. They've definitely gotten me through this very hard time.
But here I am, sitting in my room, more sad than ever.
June 27th, what would've been her 45th birthday. I've been regretting this day for a while now. I knew today would be hard, but I can't even manage to get myself out of bed.
How am I supposed to live the rest of my life, without my mom?
My best friend.
My mom is gone, and she's never coming back. The most important person in my life is gone.
I feel tears well up in my eyes, and this time, I don't force them away. I finally let everything I've had bottled up inside me this whole week, out.
Once that first tear breaks free, the rest follow in an unbroken stream of sobs. I bend forward from where I sit on my bed, and take the sheets from my bed, and scream into them.
The longing I feel for her is so unbearable. The emptiness is almost too painful to cope with. It's good to cry right now, because that means I'm feeling something. Which is better than feeling nothing and being completely numb, like I've felt in the past.
God I miss her so much. All I want to do, is just be able to hug her one last time, and to tell her how much I love her, and how much she's done for me.
You never realize what you have, until it's gone. I never really used to understand that, until I truly lost whats most important to me.
All day I've been getting texts from friends and family. But thats not what I need right now. I don't need a bunch of people, telling me how sorry they are, and how amazing of a women she was.
What I really need, is her next to me. And it makes me so sick to my stomach, knowing I'll never see her ever again.
My aunt has been trying to comfort me all day, she's sat beside me with her arms around me, while I ball uncontrollably in her arms for hours.
I try to eat the food she's brought me, but every time I try, I get so nauseous.
I let out a few more cries, as I get a knock at my door.
