Unwanted [COMPLETED]

Chapter 21

Manik

"The reason I married-" I begin to say, but Nandini interrupts me.

"I do not want to know," she tells me, and I frown.

"But why? You deserve to know, Nandini."

Nandini shakes her head and sighs deeply before speaking. "Maybe. But I do not want to know because it does not matter anymore. It will neither change the equation of our relationship nor will it make me forget what you did to me. So, what's the point?"

I nod, understanding what she meant. "Ok. I won't tell you then. But you did not answer my earlier question. How do you forgive everyone even after they did wrong to you?"

"Who said I have forgiven?" Nandini asks.

"But you are not angry and are not planning to do anything against anyone," I reply.

"I am not like you, Manik. I don't fester the wounds people give me to the point that it bitters me and makes me like them. If I do that, I will be exactly like the people I am angry with, which will make me angry with myself too.

"You destroyed my dream of a happy married life. For whatever reason, you thought it to be ok to ruin my life as long as you got what you wanted. And you were successful in it too. But look at you now. You are not at all happy. Instead, you are burning with guilt for doing wrong in your blind pursuit of revenge.

"I don't want to live like this. First, burning in revenge and ruining others' lives, then burning in guilt and getting angry at myself for what I did. For me, this would be the worst way to live.

"So, I don't waste time planning and plotting against others. I simply focus on myself and think about how to be better every day, hoping to leave my past behind and truly be happy one day.

"But that does not mean I have forgiven everyone who did wrong to me. I am not that selfless. I don't forgive and definitely not forget," she finishes speaking, and I can see a subtle hint of anger in her eyes as she looks at me.

"You have not forgiven me then?" I ask, and she lets out a humorless laugh.

"You really are full of yourself, Mr. Manik Sisodiya. What you did to me is something that will be difficult to forgive even if you apologize many times. And here you are, thinking I have already forgiven you without you apologizing properly even once."

"What if I want to give our marriage a try?" I ask, surprising Nandini as well as myself.

Woah! Why did I ask her that question?

"Are you joking with me right now?" She glares at me.

"Nandini, I-" I begin to say, but she interrupts me.

"What do you think of yourself, Manik? How dare you come and say that after everything you did and said to me?

"On our wedding night, you said you would never accept me as your wife, that I would always be unwanted in your life. And now, you suddenly want to give this marriage a try?

"Well, news flash, Mr. Sisodiya. This world does not revolve around you, and you will not get everything you want every time." Saying that, Nandini stands up from the couch and walks away.

Once she leaves the room, I sigh, leaning against the couch, closing my eyes.

Why the hell did I say I wanted to give this marriage a second chance?

I have not even thought about it. When I married Nandini, my only reason was to get my revenge and divorce her.

But now, after realizing my mistake, I am unsure about the divorce.

But I also do not know if I want to spend my whole life with Nandini.

After what happened with Myra, I am not even sure I want to be with someone and make myself vulnerable to that person.

I gave Myra every happiness she asked me for, and she still betrayed me.

So, the question here is will I be able to place trust in Nandini and believe in her never to break it again?

"Why am I even thinking about this? Is it because of my guilt?" I wonder and stand up from the couch. Walking to the window, I look out to see Nandini in the garden.

Closing the drapes, I walk back to the couch and sit again.

"All I need is a few days to be distracted from this guilt and come to terms with it. This is all it is-my culpability. Nothing else. I need to stop thinking about it. Once I do that, the guilt will vanish too." Leaning forward, I keep my face in my hands and close my eyes, immediately opening them when Nandini's smiling face flashes beneath my closed eyelids.

"Why is this so complicated?" I walk back to the window and open the drapes slightly to look at Nandini, making sure she does not see me.

***********

Nandini

"The nerve of that man! How dare he say it? Just how?"

Pacing in the garden, I take deep breaths to calm my anger.

He was the one who said on our wedding night that this marriage meant nothing to me and he would never accept me as his wife.

And now, suddenly, he wants to give this marriage a chance?

Argh! I should have slapped him before walking away.

Slumping to the ground, I quickly wiped the angry tears that slid down my face.

Do I look like an object to him that he pushed me away when he felt like it and now wants to pull me in as if my feelings do not matter at all?

He neither asked me before getting married to me for his so-called revenge. And now, too, he didn't even apologize or ask me about my feelings before telling me about wanting to give this sham of a marriage a try.

Even if he had apologized, I would not have forgiven him.

He ruined my one chance at happiness just for his petty revenge. And he is not even happy after succeeding in it.

He told me two people close to him hurt him, so he married me to hurt them. This is what it is between us--a marriage for revenge.

But what the hell was my fault in everything? Why was I the one who burned in the fire of his revenge?

I shake my head and press on the temple as I start feeling the throbbing pain.

And I had thought I would relax today after a hectic week at work.

I sigh deeply, wanting to leave this mess as soon as possible.

I have signed a contract to work at Manik's company for six months. In these six months, I will save enough money to at least be able to move out from here and survive for a month or two until I get another job. Once I do that, I will serve divorce papers to Manik.

I feel a pinch in my heart as the memories of our wedding day flash in my mind.

Manik filling my parting with Sindoor. Him clasping the Mangalsutra around my neck.

While taking seven pheras with him around the sacred fire, I had vowed to be with him forever until death parted us.

How was I to know then that the man to whom I was pledging forever considered me not as a wife but as a pawn in his revenge game?

"Six months more, and I will end this meaningless marriage," I say aloud, feeling the quiet determination rise within me.