Chapter Fifty-Eight

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Sunday

I was sniffling away in Donovan's bed but I never really cried again. I guess him comforting me actually really helped. Which wasn't surprising, I had found myself being entranced with him quite a lot more often.

I couldn't though. I couldn't do that.

I go to my house and shower but get back into pyjamas and come back and go back downstairs where everyone else is now.

"Hey guys." I say and everyone greets me back.

"I went to Donovan's room but you weren't there, everything okay?" Dina asks and I nod.

"I went home to shower and get changed. I'm trying to be relaxed as possible before I have to go prom, which I think is stupid but weirdly I also want to go. Be with my friends." Paisley nods at my explanation.

"I was stood up at prom." She starts off and I start to feel a little uneasy about going. "Then a boy saw me and stayed with me the whole night. He danced with me and held me and at the end of the night, we kissed! It was magical and nine months lasted, Damien was born!"

"Oh good grief mother." Dean says but he smiles. "I can't imagine what life was like if you'd have ended up with that other prick anyways."

"Dean! Watch your language." Paisley says playfully, she couldn't care any less about the language her children use, unless it's terribly or unreasonably rude or hateful. A direct phrase she's explained to me. It made sense. "You're right though. Ending up with Mark might have been my biggest regret."

"Did you say Mark? Mark who?" I ask curiously. I know a few.

"Mark Filton." She says and I almost break my neck with how quickly I look up.

Wow she is glad she isn't with him. Joni's husband and my shit uncle. He wasn't as bad as Joni but he was certainly a horrible human being and an enabler.

I start to feel that funny feeling again where I start to feel all emotional and wishy washy so I excuse myself and go back to Donovan's room where I start hugging a pillow as I try my hardest not to start crying for the third time but my eyes sting and my lips quivering and at the very same time, Donovan walks in from his balcony and sees me pulling a very odd face.

"Okay this isn't your period. I have four sisters who all have periods and if this is a result of your period, then you probably need to go to a doctor because you've never cried this much since I've known you, if at all and now you're blubbering like someone's died. No one's died, right?" He's very concerned.

"I've just been having a hard time coping with life." I say and then the waterworks start all over again. "Oh God this is so fucking embarrassing." I say between a cry and a breath.

Donovan paces around the room for a bit but eventually stops and takes a deep breath and climbs in next to me and holds me again.

He holds me like my life is in his hands and if he lets go, I'll die. This is the most a boys ever done for me, which must be why I feel so attached to him even though he can be so horrible.

"Why are you helping me? You don't like me." I whisper, my crying starting to ease up a little bit. Then I start crying all over and this time I'm full on sobbing.

"You can't be that naïve, right?" He says and I look at him through my tear ridden eyes. "Oh. Maybe you are. I don't not like you and I'm sorry if my rancid attitude gave that impression. I really thought it would be best if i separated myself from you as a friend because the minute you shot me down, is the minute I knew you were trouble. We can't have that right? That's trouble times two."

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