A Tourist in Mayberry

8/2) Randall Michael Wall, Ne'er Do Well, Meets Darrell

Syncope - a literary device where a word is shortened in the middle by leaving out sounds or letters, ex. Never becomes ne'er as in ne'er do well as in...

Randall Michael Wall was on a mission. He was going to get a nurse. He knew he could not mess this baby business up because the boss would not be pleased. The boss invested a lot of time and expense in obtaining a newborn baby for his collection. The boss was not a man who handled disappointment well. Randall Michael Wall could not mess this up. He needed a nurse.

Magdalena left each day with Daisy. Since he was a father who cared nothing about the interests of his children except in his fake good daddy role, Randall Michael Wall did not know the girls hung out at the retirement center. If he did know this, he would think it was a stupid waste of time, spending time with old people, about as exciting as watching grass grow. He could never comprehend the desire to belong to someone who cared about you either. It was not in his nature.

Because he did not know the nurse's schedule, Randall Michael Wall went to her house first. He did not want to be seen by anyone, especially the girls, so he parked at the end of the road and walked to the house through the woods. He did not know a Nana Gail lived there too, but God watched over her, and she was gone with her buddies to her bowling league. He scouted the house for about ten minutes and decided no one was at home. He wondered where the girls were. On a whim and a gut feeling, though he didn't have the time to waste - a baby was coming, Randall Michael decided to go in the house and briefly case the joint. He could not resist an empty house.

He found a spare key, exactly where he thought it would be hidden, next to the door under a purple stoneware frog the size of a gallon jug of milk. He did not break and enter - he unlocked and entered. Randall Michael went through the kitchen drawers first, and then headed to the bedroom where he found just what he was looking for in the bedside table - a handgun. He checked and it was fully loaded. This could be useful later. Randall Michael was already formulating a plan for when this was all over, and he needed to rid the world of some excess baggage.

Randall Michael headed for the back door. As he reached to open the door, it was opened from the other side by Darrell. They stood face to face, neither budging or backing down. They stared each other down. They sized each other up. It was a standoff. Neither one could retreat or back down for risk of danger.

Darrell broke the silence by saying, "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing breaking in my wife's house?"

Randall Michael Wall who was a quick study and an even quicker liar on his feet said, "I guess I could ask you the same thing since my girlfriend, Candi, is not married. Who are you and what do you want?"

And then, this is where it gets odd because Darrell was happily remarried and no longer loved Candi, at least not that way. Strangely, he had a moment's hesitation. Maybe because of a lack of sleep or maybe because he felt a twinge of jealousy at the idea Candi moved on. Did he picture her alone and sad, not happy and moved on? Regardless of what he was thinking, this is where Darrell put his guard down. Randall Michael Wall, being a lifelong criminal and ne'er do well, was quick to recognize a guard going down. Randall Michael Wall raised the found gun and before Darrell could turn to run, raise his hand in defense, or voice a why, Randall Michael Wall shot Darrell dead. He shot him in the face, right above Darrell's left blue eye, one of his beautiful, irresistible blue eyes.

This plan is coming together perfectly thought Randall Michael. Angry ex-husband kills wife (maybe kills family if the little brat is nearby when I come back) and then kills himself. Nothing like a good domestic violence/murder-suicide to throw the heat off and stop questions from being asked and especially useful when there is an estranged husband involved. When a kid is killed, even more tragic with hushed whispers and "if we had only knowns".

The killer walked to the woods, got his car, and stuffed Darrell (big son of a bitch, he thought) in the trunk. Randall Michael Wall then headed to the retirement center to get the nurse.