A Tourist in Mayberry

Revealed: The Collector (Geoffrey Guthrie tells all)

Write the Right Way- Writer's Tip # 2 Don't have a prologue and don't ever, ever, ever have an epilogue.

Writer's tip # 22. Don't ever, ever repeat words for emphasis.

The Collector was in a hurry. He only had about an hour before he had to be at the city commissioners' meeting. They were going to discuss, again, the upcoming Mayberry Days. Unbelievable, he thought. Thelma Lou was coming this year. Most exciting thing since the pie eating contest. He would try to feign excitement. It would be hard, but he could pull it off in front of those idiots.

The Chamber of Commerce reports 60,000 plus visitors a year come to visit "Mayberry". He did not understand the attraction to the show or the town. So boring. Now, he had something that would draw a crowd. He was headed there now.

He entered by way of the secret entrance on the north end of the underground tunnel to the cellar. This was the original part of the tunnel his ancestors built during the Civil War. It was not built as part of something as noble now as the underground railroad or a hideout for slaves as people speculated, but as a place to escape and hide treasures should the Yankees come. The Yankees did come, according to the historical marker near the Mount Airy Regional Library. The marker said:

On a raid through western North Carolina Gen. Stoneman's U.S. cavalry passed through Mount Airy, April 2-3, 1865.

The tunnel that connected to an intricate series of caverns had long been thought to be caved in. Twenty years ago, a history buff from up North came calling to ask if he could possibly explore the area, look for artifacts, map out the area, document and record his findings. Do all the things that historians enjoy doing. He talked of spending every summer in the area. The newfound interest in the history of the grounds fizzled when the historian went back up North for more supplies and his real job at the university and never returned.

The historian was now a resident in what the Collector liked to call his history wing, named in honor of the history professor. The professor didn't have it so bad. He had all the reading material he could ever want. Except for missing his mother, who he was worried might be dead, she was 68 when he disappeared, he was comfortable. He occupied some of his time by working on exhibits for the Collector.

The Collector recently added life-like exhibits to the hall. This particular exhibit contained an item historically significant to the collection because he was the first resident acquired. The Collector did not like to embalm or stuff all of his collection, but he felt this particular piece was an important part of his legacy and could continue to be as a relic and testimony to how far he had come. Since the specimen was his brother, he owed him that much.

The Collector once thought he would bash his brother's brains in during his quick death phase, but he changed his mind. He wanted to keep his brother because his mother and father grieved the loss. The fact his brother's body was never recovered made it all the more heart-wrenching. They always loved him more and the Collector wanted to know why. He wanted to study his brother to determine what qualities he possessed that made him adored. The Collector was not without sentiment or compassion and regretted when a few years later, his brother died, really died this time. His brother was weak and was the first to die in the damp, moldy series of tunnels. It was pneumonia that killed him. Since then the Collector added a more efficient ventilation system. He had, by necessity, become a jack of all trades over the years.

The historian selected a scene from the brother's boyhood. The professor prided himself on historical accuracy. His brother as a young soldier returning home pleased the Collector who remembered how much his brother loved his tin soldiers. The Collector clapped his hands in delight.