𝘉𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘥𝘪𝘦 | 𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯𝘭𝘪𝘹.

| 33 |

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Little Bit by Lykke Li

☀︎

He stares at the ceiling.

He doesn't know what time it is and he doesn't care to check. He can't bring himself to move, to get up and face the reality of what has happened. He doesn't want to accept it.

There is a possibly he lost everything. He might have lost his best friend, and he might have lost the boy he's been in love with for years.

Yes, in love.

He can finally accept the fact he loves him, now that he's loosing him. It's not really accepting it, it's more realizing it. You don't realize what you have until you come face to face with the possibility of losing it.

He's spent almost half of his life wishing and pleading for somebody to tell him what's going on. Why does his heart stop when he is near the boy? Why does his smile make me smile? Why do I find myself looking for him wherever I go?

Why can't I love her?

Why is my mind stick on him?

So many questions and no answers— that's how it was for years. He would suffer silently as he was afraid to admit the truth. He always knew, however. He wasn't dumb. He knew what his heart was telling him, he was just afraid to accept it.

And don't even get him started on his best friend. He doesn't even want to think about losing him, because it makes him sick to his stomach.

He was the first friend he ever had. He was the first one to approach him on the first day of kindergarten, the first one to spend the night as his house, the first one to see him cry, the first one to ever love him. He is like the brother Hyunjin always begged for at night.

And now it's all gone. Both of them, both of—

A knock is heard on the door.

Everything becomes real again, his hearing coming back and his vision clearing. He rolls over on his bed, yelling out. "I'm okay, mom." He says.

His mother has come by a few times already. Food, water, something to do.. she's tried it all. She's tried everything to get Hyunjin up and moving, but nothing has worked. He's been in his room for the past two days.

But it isn't his mother on the other side of the door. They knock again, only making Hyunjin groan. He gets up off the bed, finally. His legs are unstable, but what can he do?

He walks to the door, standing there for a second to steady himself, before he opens it up fast. "Mom, please, I—" his whole body comes to a complete stop.

"Oh."

Chan sighs. "Oh."

"How did you—?" He curls a brow. "What–"

"Your dad let me in." He says, unsure how to approach the boy. "He told me you were home, and practically begged me to get you up and out of the house again."

That's embarrassing.

Hyunjin just swallows, before humming. "Oh."