Release

The Upper Hand

In your head

I'm slow-dancing with him

head on his shoulders

hand on his chest

and he pulls him towards his lips for a kiss

how's your brain creating all of this?

You think

I went home with him

and laid on his bed

as he laid beside me and pulled me closer to him

and you think something happened then

how is that so?

You already know the full story of his visit

the door and his kiss on my neck

my silence and the revenge from my lips

so why are you still imagining this?

Do realize, darling, that you're the one for me

he never was, nor will he ever be

I didn't kiss him because I missed him

or because I loved him

I didn't do it for that at all

I did it so I could leave with the upper hand

because he always had the upper hand

his hand that created bruises

on the innocent skin of women

on my neck

on my thigh

which, in time would fade away

once he left

and so when he came back around again

I didn't feel a thing

not love

not sadness

not anger

I wanted to not fight

physically or verbally

so instead

I let him have

two things, so different

that he'd never fully understand

until he was older:

a punch and a kiss.