gold-tinted glasses

incoming waves (i don't need you but i'm free)

the waves bring new life to the shore.

the tide washes in and out, forging friendships and breaking them again as they disappear into the oceans.

my island is for me alone. every season brings new faces, new conversations, new feelings. some linger longer than others but they fade into the horizon all the same. i once grasped hard to you when your anchor had already lifted and almost drowned trying to hold you down as you messily crashed into the water. you were so much fun to have in my island, i had thought. we've had good times, so why can't you stay forever? _i don't want to spend a moment without you again._

but now i've grown detached and i realise i don't have much emotional attachment to my relationships anymore. if i never saw you again tomorrow, i wouldn't be destroyed. it doesn't mean my time being your friend meant nothing, because your name is still carved into my mind. i just know now there's a sea of faces i could pick out from to stand where you stood.

it feels isolating at first, then freeing. i realise the crashing weights of jealousy are lifted from me. i once despised the idea that my friends would be fine and happy without me and not miss me in every waking moment. but once i got out of my own head i've finally become the same. time doesn't wait - everything goes on. the world never revolved around me but i always had a deep hope i could somehow place myself so it would still circulate with me in the centre.

i have the independence i craved for. i'm not hanging on a thread lifted by how much my friends liked me or thought of me. i don't need to chase people because socialiding would make me feel better about myself. i'm finally finding the things that make me happy and going after them for the first time.

life is not all well, but i ship out a load of insecurity to sea. it represents a time of my life i dearly cherish but i'm glad to watch it be taken away by the waves.