gold-tinted glasses

sometimes things fall out of my brain

sometimes things fall out of my brain

i don't know if i should forget you

it's been so long
but i don't know sadness without you now
i can feel it all slipping through my fingers as i try to cup them, seal the gaps shut

if i hold you in my pain then at least you're not gone forever, i think to myself

i guess you're not leaving me quite just yet
stay much longer than you said you would
stay to hold my heart in your hand
and not in the way you once did

i want to cry, and i do

this is you, this emotion. sadness. i realise i don't know you anymore. this is all i can know of you now. sadness is you. i can't let myself anything else about you. the anger melts away into a river of tears. the indifference is rooted in sadness.

the sphere of sadness, it's you. you are all i know about sadness. thinking about the worst times is the thinking of thinking of you and you and it's all you.

i should let go, open the sieve through the heart and watch you wash out under my hands

but i let you stay around, under one condition

let me feel not love, only sadness

i dare not think any more and can't bear to think any less

another night, another song, same thoughts, new colours, same you, same feelings

nostalgia breathes its dying breaths into me and i stand at the same place, the edge of the cycle
i swim in longing and the pain is refreshing. i wonder where you are now and seal the thought as fast as it forms. sadness, you are sadness, that's all.

i've seen so much now, learnt so much since. i know myself. i've searched myself and scooped you out in a clean break. i want to tell you how things are, maybe out of joy, maybe out of desperation, maybe out of sadness.

i can't lose sadness, sadness is home

i can't quite lose you yet