gold-tinted glasses

love you forever?

your shadow is burnt into the back of my skull
a static face with a smile, a photo only for you and i to see
i want to strain then out but they slip right out of my hands

your boy used to call me daddy
i used to genuinely think i would love you forever
i wonder if you ever miss me when she's with you
i once thought you were literally perfect

i was a little crushed when you said you didn't believe in unconditional love, because i did.
burn down my home, strike my heart and take away everything i love, and i would still love you. i wanted to grow something special with you, and i was just a phase, a stepping stone in the path for you.

and so when you were my home, the one who held my heart, everything i loved, you disappeared. i lost the ground i had anchored myself in and was deeply lost. i thought i would still love you - i said that i would. i felt, angry. angry? that's not supposed to happen. love love love love
how could you do this to me

yes, i was attached to you, but i didn't love you at all. you were a fairytale dream and not the reality i needed. i was meant to love you and you were meant to stay - i wanted to scream at you because you weren't even looking at me anymore when you were everything in my gaze. i was wrong.

i still don't know very much about love. the daydream shattered and the past is now a slur of obsession and desire and unpolished feelings. nine months on, and i'm not sure how to feel.

i never really loved you, so it was pretty easy to stop doing something i never did. but your name is carved into the autumn sunset and cast like petals on the floor where i looked into your eyes

my life doesn't have you in it anymore. i am ever so grateful for it, and i don't miss you and i certainly don't love you. but i can't quite forget you and i can't quite close my heart whenever you resurface as your name is cast out of someone else's lips.

it'll be a year on very soon. i hope you're happy, and far, far away from me forever.