gold-tinted glasses

eating at the kokoro

today is another early finish and i have to find somewhere to eat
when i brought up my problem one of my friends kind of looked at me with surprise.
with what money? he asked. why not just cook?
i guess so, it's just not something our family does or something i'd really consider
we just have money around to make things easier, i guess
i ask my and none of the options really stand out to me. i could just go to mcdonalds or taco bell, but today is for change!!

i take the bus with a friend i don't really talk to outside of class. we play a game of tft together and the banter is silly. i wait a little at his stop at the town centre and then find my way, becaude i've decided where i want to go.

i looked at the menu on the wall of the japanese chain store. it's all chicken! probably because it's the cheapest meat, not that i blame them. but i look at the sushi boxes in the fridge and its only a pound or two more. i've spent a lot of my life aiming to save money, and i'm not too sure for what, so it's probably okay to spend a little more today for something nice.

i sit down by the mirror which takes up the whole wall. i take a picture of the food, then myself, but the camera doesn't do me justice!! this peaceful moment is just trapped to here and now.

i don't feel troubled eating alone and i drink my water and life is pretty good
i wonder if this is what living alone will feel like - the freedom to choose, the freedom to spend a little here and there for a happier day
the wasabi is far too much and my nose is in flames with every bite, but it's silly and i'm not mad
today isn't lonely or disheartening, it's a feeling of sweet quietness alone

a little money and i feel more pleased with myself
i wonder why that is

i'm in a good mood!
so i go to tkmax and flick through every section of clothes
look at everything they have in the kids section for 16+ (just in case) and every item listed from medium to extra small in the adults
i want cool party shirts, i think
preferably those summer, thin, short-sleeved edgy shirts with a cool print on them
they all cost from 10 to 30 pounds though!!! crazy
which is probably not crazy but i'm still starting to get a grasp on prices in the world
they're cool but i don't love any of the designs
though there was one with astrological signs and suns and planets and if it was a little more starry and little less signy i would've liked it a little more
i want dress shirts in nicer colours too, and some of then have the most amazing texture to them which i'd love (and £25 tags which i don't love)
motivation to get money in the future!!
or to wait to go back to china and buy them cheap haha
i'd love a varsity jacket too

i can take the train instead of the bus to skating because i'm running late
it does cost more but i'm warm on my seat and it's a lot more comfy
i'm feeling ill, but i could afford to take a nap after school and still shower and also get to class

the sky's clearing and i can see a patch of encouraging blue
the clouds are gleaming in the way i find them most pretty
and in another corner it's all gold like syrup and suddenly there's a deep orange crackling through
it's all nice to look at
something I would only spot on the open track of a train and not a bus, i must admit

a nice afternoon learning about the simple joys in life
and capitalism, because money can still buy you a great deal of happiness