gold-tinted glasses

shimmering wings

something about me feels incomplete

i cast my fishing line into the stars, hope that there's something in space that can catch it

i feel so unexplainably misunderstood

it's just me looking at the sky tonight, lying on a picnic blanket big enough for two, lost in my thoughts as my eyes trace pink and blue above me

something inside me wants to burst out and i'm not quite sure how to let it out
my heart's aching and i just want to sleep in the things i know best

it's the feeling that only i'll ever understand me

the things that make me smile aren't things you know
and the songs tucked into my childhood are just foreign melodies you might nod your head to
and you won't ever cry and laugh the way i did to those films or books you call silly because they were special just because they were mine in that moment in time

i'm floating out of your embrace
stories and music and art pierce through me
and i just feel a little lonely, even though that feels weak of me
i turn to an old page and even i can't feel the way i used to feel
looking at the same scenes over and over again can't bring back how much it means me
and if i can't convince myself it was special how could i explain it to you

so i'm sitting in this quiet corner
wishing i could feel the younger me that i've lost
i can't wrestle him away from time, can't stop but watch him drown under all these years now
he's left some fingerprints and a box of valuables dear to him, close to his heart
some things i could cry at the sight of, but not nearly as much i did before
and some parts i don't understand anymore, and even i don't understand myself

and maybe this is what it feels like to be alive
butterflies in the clouds, disappearing and re-emerging and dancing together but never forever
i am thankful that you are with me now
nobody else sees that fragment of me left in your hand, my friend
and only i'll see your face that comes to mind when something brings up a memory of you because you'll be away at sea
and nobody around me sees the imprint you've left on my back,
nestled in my neck when we poured our hearts together

the hourglass is turning fast
and the clock holding the last of our time together isn't in my hands, nor yours

tonight i lay alone
but if i squint at the night maybe i'll see you
a glistening butterfly disappearing to somewhere you didn't tell me
twinkling in the corner of my eye
only for me to see