Just you and I

III

I saw almost every hour during the night as I could barely sleep. I either can't sleep, or have horrible nightmares. If I could pick my poison, I'd choose to have nightmares. That way, I at least get some sleep. Sure, I'd wake up screaming or crying, or shaking. Or all 3 of them. And sure my brain wouldn't have really slept, as I'd be exhausted the second I wake up, but it's the thought of sleeping that counts.

I get up earlier than I had set my alarms, and decide to just get ready for the day. I pick out my outfit: black flared leggings, a white croptop and a grey zip-up hoodie. It'll do. My hair's a literal mess today, so I just put it up in a claw clip and take out my little front pieces, so my face doesn't look like a chicken egg.

I put on some mascara and lipbalm and call it an effort after sighing for the 20th time already.

I head to the kitchen and get Sofia's lunch ready. I put everything in her unicorn lunch bag, that she obviously picked out too, along with some juice and apple sauce. I fill up her waterbottle and make sure she has everything else. I throw some crackers and fruitsnacks in my schoolbag, and make sure I have all my books.

Once I'm done, I wake up the little grumpy princess and put her at the table to eat her cereal, while doing her hair. Trust me, this is a lifesaver. She's too tired to complain about it, and she doesn't go to school with her hair looking like a bird's nest.

After she's done, we both brush our teeth and then we go in her room to pick out her outfit.

She likes to call herself a 'fashionista', which when she pronounces it, doesn't sound like that at all, but I can't say she's wrong. She has a way better sense of style than I do.

She wears grey ripped jeans, with a long white printed tshirt and her nikes. She loves unicorns and rainbows, but when it comes to her clothes, the girl has taste.

She looks adorable and silly at the same time with her magnificent outfit, but pink rainbow backpack. Once it's 7:30 we head out the door.

I drive her to school, which is only 10 minutes away. I park and walk in with her. When we arrive to her classroom, the teacher is waiting for us.

"Hi, you must be Sofia. I'm Ms. Ellis."

Sofia lets go of my hand and grabs my leg. She doesn't say anything, and instead tries to hide behind me. I'm not surprised she's doing this.

She created an emotional attachment to me, because of what happened with our parents.
She's a very social kid when she's with me, and when she knows that I don't have to leave her. But when I do, she turns into a little monkey that doesn't wanna go anywhere, unless she's with me. I feel bad for her and wish I could make her forget all the bad things that ever happened. I would take all her worries and carry them in a heartbeat if I could.

"I'm sorry, she gets very nervous when I have to leave her."

I look down at Sofia and try to reassure her that everything will be fine, but she's not budging.

Ms. Ellis gestures me to follow her, so I take Sofia's hand and almost drag her with me. We go into an empty room where it's just the 3 of us.

"Sofia why don't you go draw over at that little table in the corner, I'll be right here. I'm just gonna talk to Ms. Ellis, okay?" She nods and walks over to the table. I sit down in one the chairs across from where Ms. Ellis is sitting.

"I figured it would be easier to talk here, so I can try to help Sofia and you as much as possible with this. Has she always been like that?"

I sigh, both relieved she wants to help, but pressured since I'll most likely be late for my first class.

"Our parents aren't exactly in the picture anymore since the beginning of this summer. She's had a troubled few years, with both our parents being alcoholics. And I guess she still struggles with things that trigger parts of her unconsciousness."

She nods as if she understands and gives me a reassuring smile.

"I'll keep her in this room and let her do her own thing when you leave, and whenever she feels ready to take the big step to the other classroom, I'll be right there with her."

I give her a silent thank you, because not a lot of people would do this, and I really appreciate that.

I walk over to Sofia and kneel right next to her. "Hi baby, I have to go now. I know that you're scared, but your teacher is gonna stay here with you. And you don't have to go anywhere until you feel like you can. I promise I will be back later today to pick you up. Small steps, remember? Can you do that for me?"

She pouts while trying to keep the tears in her watery eyes, but eventually nods. We had to do this many times when I left her with Lisa the first few times I had to work. But over time, I learned that reassuring her is the thing that helps her the most.

I give her a big hug, and tell her I love her over and over again. She grins and tells me she loves me too, but to please not embarrass her. I look at her in disbelief and boop her little nose. She smiles and waves goodbye as I get up and leave.

I thank Ms. Ellis again when I walk out and tell her she can always call me if anything's wrong.