This Little Light of Mine, Shine Oh Shine

Chapter 45: When Sharks Attack

They go into the family bathroom which has a lock on it for privacy.

"Do you need to go Lee?" Kara did come in here to have a talk with the girl but she also saw her squirm for the past ten minutes while finishing her plate of fries.

The Luthor nibbles on her bottom lip and looks towards the ground, wringing her fingers round. "No, 'M good. You go."

Kara internally sighs. "Lena," She waits till green meets blue. "What's going on babe. I know you haven't really been yourself today."

Lena scowls, "I'm happy, I'm fine." The CEO says in a slightly clipped tone.

The super looks at her with an unimpressed face. "Lee, I know you're not fine. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but I would like it if you didn't talk to me like that." Kara says softly.

Lena remembers their conversation when she was sick, communication is important. She doesn't know entirely what's going on with her. She just knows that she loves and hates seeing Maggie like this. She wants what Maggie has.

Lena shuffles in place and her eyes meet the ground once more. She really needs to go but doesn't want to give in. It looks so easy for Maggie. It was a little easy for the Luthor too at the beginning. But she feels so self-conscious now. She doesn't feel right. Everything feels all wrong and all this learning and rewriting has her brain turning to mush. It's all so frustrating to rewire one's brain and just let everything go against initial instinct. Maggie has been doing this for years. Lena barely knows what's up and down when it comes to this world let alone her feelings. It's all so hard watching Maggie so happy and free while Lena has to lock away all her inner thoughts in fear of being too much.

Kara is a saint, and Lena doesn't want to take advantage of her girlfriend's willingness to help her through all of this.

Lena is jealous of Maggie's relationship with Alex and Sam. Lena is upset that she can't have that. She envies the detective and the family she has. She envies her freedom. She hates how she can't be like that, she hates how she can't do what Maggie can.

Lena doesn't even realise she is crying until a hand settles on her cheek. "It's ok to cry Lena."

Kara hugs the Luthor for a little while until the tears stop. There are no heartbreaking sobs but Lena feels relief.

"I wanna be happy today." Lena says while Kara wipes at Lena's face with a makeup wipe. "Can we talk about it at home?"

Kara concedes. They have about another two hours here. Lena was enjoying herself, she just would have enjoyed it more if she didn't have these thoughts looming around her brain. Maybe on one of her better days.

"That's fine, now can you sit and use the toilet for me?"

Lena nods her head and goes. The Luthor is still a bit shaky and her pants button isn't cooperating enough for her. Kara does the work and sits her down on the toilet as if she was handling her little girl, maybe she is and doesn't know it.

Lena rests her head on Kara's abdomen and the blonde rubs at her back until the trickles stop. Kara goes into mama mode and helps the girl without having to be asked. It's been a while since Lena has dropped and Kara doesn't feel right in asking Lena about it or even pushing the subject. Kara struggles with this all too. She doesn't know what her place is really. She loves little Lena and she wants to see more of her but what if it is too much for the Luthor.

Am I not good enough at taking care of her? Is that why she doesn't want to drop anymore?

Lena sees the tiny crinkle in her girlfriend's eye and it's her turn to be concerned. "What's wrong Kara?" The CEO's freshly washed and still dripping wet hand pushes at the area between Kara's eyes which makes the taller girl laugh.