ALL I WANT [S.M]

15. Explainations

The rest of the school day was a blur. I just remember being really frustrated. After school I tried waving at Shawn to just try and maybe get his attention, but he didn't see me. He was talking with Leah, though, and that upset me. The fact that he could purposely disregard and avoid me the whole day and then talk to Leah, my closest friend here besides him. He wasn't talking to her to make me upset though. I had to remember that they were friends too. He still looked upset though, but she didn't seem to be asking him about what happened. She had a smile on her face and he was constraining a fake smile. I didn't know how to feel.

Leo nudged me out of my rumination, causing me to jolt. He laughed, speaking,"What are you thinking about?"

I sighed, glimpsing over to Shawn who I caught staring at me. He quickly looked back down at Leah, and then I gave my attention back to my brother.

"Nothing. Come on, let's go home." I pleaded, starting my way to his vehicle. Leo could tell something was wrong, and I could see that he was contemplating asking me about it, but I definitely did not want to discuss the topic.

"Why couldn't your boyfriend pick you up?" Leo asked as I scooted into my seat of his car.

"Don't wanna talk about it. He's not even my boyfriend, Leo. Ugh. Just drive." I stated, and he widened his eyes at my attitude before starting up his truck.

"I'm sorry. About whatever happened. But if he did something to you, I would gladly cut off his balls." Leo commented, earning a laugh from me.

"Leo, I don't need you to extract anyone's testicles. I'm fine. Don't worry." I lied, still in a fit of laughter. That felt good. But then my mood declined quickly and I was sad again, but hid it well. (At least I think I did.)

When we got home I went straight to my room to contact Shawn in any way possible. I had to talk to him. I had to know what I had done wrong. I clicked the Messages application and then his contact, typing in my message.

Olivia: Shawn, please call me. I need to talk to you. I need you. I can't live with you hating me forever. I can't live without you. I'm so sorry.

I read my message over and over before I was satisfied, then sent it. Tears threatened to fall from my eyes as I saw that he'd read the message but didn't reply, nor called me. Angrily, I hurled my phone at the ground and dug my face into a pillow to let out a cry.

It was about twenty minutes after I had sent the message and I was curled up in my nest of pillows and blankets, scribbling daisies on my sketchbook lazily. My papers had splotches of wetness on them due to my sobbing, so I drew around them weakly. I should have been studying for my upcoming final exams, but I was confident I would ace them either way.

Eventually, I got up to retrieve my phone so I could listen to some music. The silence was becoming too loud.

I clicked the button to turn it on, and the screen flashed revealing a notification.

Shawn - Missed Call.

I jumped and opened my phone. He had called me ten minutes ago and I missed it. How could I have missed it? Frantically, I called him back. The phone rang about three (and a half) times before I heard gentle muffling. I could finally breathe when I heard his voice through the phone. "Olivia?" He spoke quietly.

"Shawn." I exhaled, sitting back, his voice relaxing me. I knew he was still mad, but there was always this time in his voice that was so gentle and loving.

"Hi," he said. There was a faint pause of silence.

"Shawn I really need to talk to you, we need to talk about what happened this morning."

I could hear him sigh before he spoke flatly,"What is there to talk about?"

"Shawn, forgive me. You got it all wrong: When I found out who she was, I didn't divulge in the topic, she brought it up and told me everything. I didn't think--" I began, but he cut me off.

"Olivia, she was finally out of my life and then she shows up again. She's never gone! And I definitely don't feel comfortable with the fact that she's communicating with you. I don't want to be affiliated with her anymore. I just don't want anything to do with her and then she shows up and tells you everything!" he shouted.

"Why is it so bad that she just told me what you didn't?"

"You know what, I'm coming over," he said, and I heard the car door slam and the engine start.

"Shawn, you don't have to. Don't. Seriously." I demanded.

"No, I'm coming over."

"Shawn,"

"I'm coming over."

"Fine!" I gave up.

"When did this happen anyway?"

I hesitated. "Saturday morning."

"You mean you spent the whole rest of the day with me and you never once thought about maybe telling me?!" he sounded so angry, it made me cringe. I loathed seeing and/or hearing him like this.

"Calm down, I'm sorry! When I was hanging out with you I totally forgot and I'm so sorry. Please, can we forget about this. I love you,"

"Olivia! It's not just like you can apologize and all this will be over. I'm still upset." The fact that he did not say he loved me back kind of hurt. (Actually it really hurt, but I knew he was mad so it didn't bother me too much.)

"Why are you still fucking upset?" I yelled, maybe a little too loud. I smashed my hand on my pillow as hard as I could to let out my anger.

He began screaming,"Because I just--OH SHIT--OH--I--OLIV--" He sounded in pain. There was a loud smashing noise and then some clattering. Then I heard Shawn scream before the line went dead.

Oh God. Oh God. Did he just get in a wreck?

I tried calling back. I tried texting him. He didn't reply to anything. Then I freaked out.