Alpha Logan

THIRTY TWO: feeling

Bella:

There's something so chilling about knowing when the worst day of your life is about to happen. It's the gut feeling that eats inside of you, that you can't quite make out. Why am I feeling like this, what slow chills eat at me that I can't comprehend? I used to think the day my mom died would forever be the worst day of my life. From seeing her lifeless body lay in that hospital bed, to having to say goodbye to her.

That day didn't even amount of the following days I'd have to endure. Living daily without her and living in every moment wishing I could replace the situation. Ever since mom's death, I've been on fight or flight. Never really made it to the shore, but not drowning either.

I was living in limbo for a while.

I was living just to stay alive, and it wasn't until I moved away I felt okay with myself. I waited for so long to feel something, I could finally breathe.

Moving to Michigan was the best thing I've ever done for myself. I met my boyfriend, my best friend, and I have the best cat in existence.

Yet there was a gut feeling I couldn't shake the last few months.

The last time I felt this awful was when I ran away to Michigan.

It was a sickly feeling that would crawl up the hairs of my neck and feed on my anxiety. It crept up on me in the middle of the night when I was alone, not allowing me to grasp any sleep. The only times it would ease up on me was when he was around.

How long could this go on before it ate at me whole?

I exhaled a big breath and fidgeted with the worn bracelet on my wrist. It was barely holding together by a few pieces of string and I prayed it would last a little bit longer.

Two hours. I chanted in the back of my head over and over again as I stared at the clock. Two hours until I can see Logan and this gut feeling will be gone again.

I tapped my fingers against the desk and could only focus on the pouring rain outside. The cars that splashed by the street, the winds lowly sweeping the leaves, and the dark gloomy day made this feeling even worse.

I couldn't even focus on the book Tuesdays with Morrie anymore. Even though it was my third time reading it, I usually was encapsulated by the story. But today was...-

The sound of the bells jumped me out of the stool. A customer appeared through the door and gave me a swift nod. A regular, Mrs. Squire, with a heavy raincoat that dripped the rain onto the floor.

"Hello Bella," Mrs. Squire greeted me. "Miserable day out there today, huh?"

"Hopefully it'll stop soon," I commented. I really hoped it would before I trekked the few block walk to Logan's work. "Can I help you find anything?"

"I'm just going to browse, you know me. I would spend all day in here if I could." Mrs. Squire told me and began browsing through the fiction section.

Two hours turned into one hour, then time for me to close.

I hastily locked up the building and hugged my coat closer to me. Logan and I fell into the pattern of meeting each other after work every day. It was by far the best part of my day, but today I was surprising him early.

He had insisted on meeting at my apartment later today for movie night, but the sooner I was with him, the sooner I felt myself.

I hauled my way to a familiar building with my face coated in rainwater. The water dripped off my nose, danced in my hair, and made me look like a complete mess.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea I've had.

I ignored the cold gnawing at my cheeks and pushed the door of the Valter Cooperations open. The receptionist greeted me with a soft smile.

"Bella, I wasn't expecting to see you here today. Should I notify Mr. Valter that you're here?" Rebecca, the receptionist, asked me.

I eagerly shook my head no. "No, I'm trying to surprise him. Is it okay if I just head up?"

Rebecca typed something up on her desktop, "Yes that should be fine. He's just in a brief conversion with Harry, but it should be over by the time you get up there."

"Thanks so much, Rebecca, I owe you!" I called out as I made my way to the elevators. My shoes squeaked loudly with the rainwater still clinging to them. I must've resembled a wet dog at this point.

The elevator ride to the seventh floor eased my mind. I couldn't wait to see the look on his face when I walked out the door. God, the grip this man had on me already was unfathomable.

I made my way to his large office doors and held my hand up to the wood but I immediately stopped myself when I heard irritated voices yelling through the door.

Flight or fight?

Should I leave and come back?

But the more interested part of myself had me standing there like my feet were rocks. I should go, I should leave and not listen to this conversation.

But-

"Alpha-" There's that name again.

"Don't you hear what I'm saying to you?" Logan's deep grumble nearly exploded through the door. I have never heard such vengefulness in his voice until now. "Those fucking werewolves aren't ever stepping foot in this pack again. My mate will not be disrespected like that."

My breath hitched in my throat. That feeling is back. It's pounding at my head, eating me alive.

"I understand Alpha, but there has to be a protocol for them so they don't become rogues."

Werewolves? Why are they speaking like this?

"I don't care what they become. Those girls had every opportunity to keep quiet, and yet somehow Bella knows even more than she ever should." Logan's voice didn't falter as he gritted out his words.

I scrunched my eyebrows together. I felt every piece of the puzzle clicking together.

"I won't let anyone in this pack ruin it, consider this a warning to all the wolves in this pack."

The wolf in the woods.

The sleeplessness nights.

The hushed secrets.

"Alpha Logan-" Harry breathed out.

"Get the fuck out of my office, now," Logan demanded.

I should go. I should flee the scene of the crime and act like I was never here. I should have run as fast as I could away from here.

I should, but I couldn't move. The air hitched so fast in my throat that I couldn't even tell if I was breathing anymore. The footsteps approached more quickly to the door, but the rocks on my feet didn't falter.

I have to go.

I have to-

Fuck.

The door swung open and Harry stood in front of me. It felt like an eternity before he finally recognized me. How long have I been standing here?

"Bella you shouldn't be here." Harry's voice echoed in my ears but I could barely make out the muffled sound.

I took one last look at the man- or whatever the fuck he is, behind me. The look on my face must've registered to him. He knew that I knew.

And this feeling finally swallowed me whole.

___________________

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