Alpha Logan

THIRTY FIVE: rage

Logan:

The car hummed in rage as I drove twice the speed limit. I was zooming in and out of vehicles in a dazy hurry. My hands tightened around the steering wheel feeding on the pain I craved.

I felt every particle of anger seething through my body, how the fiery heat would course through my body. The animal deep inside of me finally unleashes its inevitable rage. I wonder how long it would claw at my skin before I let it take over me. The goosebumps rattled all over my body, drowning out every instinct to go back.

I would turn around and demand an explanation for her, but the deeper part of me knew I didn't deserve it. I deserved to feel this unwavering rage I felt for myself. I would relish it as it burned into my skull.

She doesn't want me anymore.

The thought iced into my brain as I pulled into the parking lot, throwing the keys on the dashboard. I was being careless because I was hoping for an excuse to beat the shit out of someone tonight.

I stormed into the dim-lit bar and snuck into a bar stool. The booming of rap music blared off the speakers. This is probably the last place a person would be able to find me, but the thought of going home and sitting there alone would be good enough reason to sit here all night.

"What can I get you?" The bartender leaned over the counter and spoke directly to me. I dragged my eyes to barely look at the man.

"Whiskey, neat. Keep them coming." I grumbled. The drink would be the only thing to soothe the raging thoughts about her.

The longer I sat on that stool, the longer I came to terms with the fucking mess I'd made. How close she was in my grasp, nearly wrapped around my finger. I just had to fuck it all up.

The bartender handed the glass over to me, and I was quick to throw the drink down my throat. I shoved the drink away from me and coldly looked at the bartender.

I wondered what she was thinking right now; I wanted to understand the hatred that would know course through her body for me. How long would I mull over the fact that she fucking hated me now?

My thoughts stayed heavy on my mate as I drowned my feelings in countless whiskey glasses, but nothing was simmering the pounding of pain I felt. The pounding music fell dull against my ears and I was in deep thought before a familiar voice brought me out of my misery.

"Logan" His voice came in a rush, "Where the fuck have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you."

My tired eyes glanced over to Harry as he stood in the dark-lit bar. I refused to respond as I downed the burning whiskey in my throat.

"Let's go back to your office and figure out what to do next." Harry's voice was in a low whisper.

I clenched my jaw at the thought that we could just fix this. "There's nothing to figure out," I muttered back. I twisted the empty glass in my fingers in an attempt to distract myself.

Harry didn't respond for a few minutes as we let the bodies around us go about their business. I didn't care if I stood there for the remainder of my life, I just needed the alcohol to soothe the needles piercing through my skin right now.

A burst of cheering ignited from a group of people dancing. I internally cringed at the idea of people being this damn happy. Like it was fucking New Year's Eve.

"Come on, let's go." Harry pressed me further. I gave him one solid glare before I reached down into my pocket. The idea of hearing people this fucking cheerful had me cringing with resentment. I threw a wad of cash on the bar counter and slugged off the bar stool.

I wish the countless drinks I had downed had made me feel an inch better, but the same raging feeling was coursing through my body. I knew it was a new reality, something I would bask in for the rest of my life.

I've lost the only person I'd ever needed.

We moved through the crowd of people, shifting through the various swaying bodies. My breath caught in my throat when I felt an eerie gentle tug in my pocket. I whipped my body armor to a drunkenly ignorant man with wide eyes. I wondered if this man had a death sentence tonight.

The man was short, barely reaching my bicep. His greasy hands muddled over his hair and he gave me a short shrug.

"Sorry man, I thought- uh, you were someone else." The man tripped over his words and continued to babble on about the reason he wanted to reach for my wallet and try to rob me.

What a greedy fuck.

Logan, before, would have brushed it off as some passive drunk fuck. But now, I wasn't so optimistic.

I held my breath as I questioned my morals, and I concluded I simply didn't give a shit anymore.

I raised my fist into the man again and again until blood was soaking down my fists. A few gasps relayed around the room as I continued to swing into the man, not giving a shit about the consequences of my actions. The man fell limp to the ground, becoming an unconscious soul. The blood trickled down my forearm as I looked at the bloody mess I had made.

Harry shoved my shoulder, "Logan, let's go now."

I wiped the crimson blood on my button-down shirt and followed Harry out the door.

I wish beating that man to a pulp made me feel something different, but I was raging inside. Walking out of the dingy bar greeted us in the cold as the blood dried on my fingertips.

"Are you fucking serious- you're going to get yourself arrested." Harry reprimanded me as I strolled into the passenger seat of the sports car. "You need to get this shit together- if you're going to fix this you need to be on your A game." Harry sped down the road towards my house. "First, you'll sober up and clean up that fucking mess you just caused at the bar. We'll figure this out."

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes in an attempt to release the built-up rage inside of me. My fists clenched at the thought of attempting to fix this whole fucking mess when the only thing Bella deserved was for me to leave her alone as she had asked. "We're leaving her alone."

"Logan-"

"I'm not putting her through my mess anymore. I'll respect her wishes."

"But Logan-"

"I know." I spat out.

"Why don't you just give her a few days maybe things will simmer down. She's your mate for god's sake." Harry pleaded with me.

"It doesn't affect her as it does for me- she deserves me to just leave her alone."

"Okay," Harry muttered, ending the conversation.

I didn't care anymore,

Because I was going to be a dead man in two months without her.

_________

Hey all, thanks so much for reading! To address the negative comments about the story, I will just begin to block people from reading further on. I put a lot of time and effort into this story, and I am a full-time college student who has been balancing an internship and exams while working AND updating this story. 

I appreciate all the positive comments and the people who continue to be kind and understanding.