Alpha Logan

THIRTY THREE: numb

Bella:

I wonder how long I stood there.

The rainwater rushed down my face as it tried to cleanse me of my regretful decisions.

It could have been two minutes or three hours since I was standing in that alleyway. I leaned up against a brick wall and I don't even remember how I ended up here.

I should go home and check on Clementine.

I should go dry off and make my way back home. The longer I stood out in this alleyway, the longer I risked getting sick or someone stopping me on the street.

But, the longer I stood here the less I wanted to move. It made more sense to stand here, in the pouring freezing rain, than walk home and face the reality of the man I fell in love with.

How could I be so naive?

I should have listened to Mom.

Maybe if I stood here long enough, I would soon turn into a puddle of nothing and I'd be free.

The only thing on my mind was that wolf in the woods. The haunting feeling that the truth was under my nose for so long and I was so blind, so incredibly clueless.

It was him all along.

The same man who showered me with kindness and sweet nothings is the same man who keeps me on a short chain of who he truly is.

I was so determined to find the truth and what that creature was, and it was so close in my grasp that I could touch it.

Fuck my life.

My socks were seeping in rainwater and my toes had gone completely numb. The look on Logan's face told me everything I'd ever needed to know.

Why wouldn't he-...

How could he?

How long would he string me along with this lie of his life? How long would I play along?

I thought back to the moments after the truth burst through the door.

Logan quickly rose to his chair and nearly stormed the room.

"Bella!" The loud echo of his voice illuminated the room. The silence was deafening, I could hear my heartbeat rushing through my ears.

Harry moved out of the way from the doorway and stood wide-eyed. The concern was seeping off his face and onto the floor.

Logan stepped so closely in front of me that I could faintly smell the scent I was so familiar with. How distant that felt at that moment. I unknowingly took a step back, I needed as much distance from this man as possible.

"Please, just give me a minute to explain myself." He pleaded the low hum of his voice rang through my ears.

I couldn't move, couldn't run a million miles away like I wanted to. All I could do what stands there like a fish out of water. I stared at him with wide eyes, and I could feel goosebumps rush up and down my body.

"Harry, get out. Now."

With that, Harry was out of my line of vision in a flash and Logan whisked me closer to his office.

I felt so incredibly tiny as I stood in that spacious office. Why was I still here?

Logan looked at me with such distress that a part of me wanted to soothe the harsh lines on his forehead. Yet, I couldn't move.

I couldn't make a sound.

"You weren't supposed to find out." Logan turned his back towards me and paced back and forth. "I'm just going to start over okay?" The sound of his voice dulled in the back of my head.

How long have I been here?

I should call a cab home.

Home to Rhode Island.

"The wolf in the woods. It's a version of myself I shouldn't have let you see, Bella, I'm so sorry."

All I could do was stare at him.

"It's just that you and my lives are so different from what I ever wanted you to see. The world I'm from is so dark and violent, I couldn't let you see an ounce of the shit I've seen. Bella," Logan's voice echoed through my brain.

My thoughts stuck on one thing; those demon-looking eyes I saw in the woods. How many nights did that creature steal my blissful sleep away?

"I'm a werewolf."

I don't know why he said it, because I already knew. I should've known all along, it was silly that I had been in the dark for so long.

A burning feeling was coursing through my body. Fuck you, Logan. That's all I wanted to say, yet the words wouldn't make it out of my mouth.

Logan kept talking, but I was a world away from him. The low hum of his voice barely made it to my ears, and I was barely registering the feeling of his heavy hands on my shoulders.

"Bella? What the fuck, are you okay?"

No.

I was so far from okay.

I pushed his hands off me and ran as fast as I ever could out of there. I don't even know where I was running to, or if he was even following me. I just had to fucking leave.

My legs nearly gave out as I pushed down the six flights of stairs and through the front doors. It felt like I was traveling through a tsunami with the rain pelting on me as I flew down the street

Somehow, I ended up in this alleyway. I was unmoving from the spot on the wall. Staying here was the only thing that made sense. Because of the rain heavily falling, the tears that fell from my eyes barely felt like a thing.

I wonder what Mom would say about this and my mistake. I shouldn't have fallen in love with this- creature.

She would be so disappointed in me.

The sound of a door opening next to me pulled me out of my trance. Like I was finally able to catch my breath for a second, the shiver overtook my body.

Fuck.

Suddenly, I could feel everything.

I was quickly moving down the block, feeling a chill down my spine that something was looking for me.

I made my way to my apartment complex and I felt like I was floating up the staircase. I held my hand in front of her door, lightly knocking I doubt she would even hear me.

Within seconds, the door flung open and appeared the last person on the planet I trusted. Madison.

She took in my appearance and her eyebrows scrunched together. "What happened, Bella?"

It was all she needed to say before I broke.

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