Alpha Logan

FIFTEEN: dress up

Bella:

The sound of my heartbeat violently pounded through my ears. The rushing sound made my anxiety grow three sizes bigger, and I knew I wouldn't last long enough to calm myself down properly.

It was a dreadful feeling. Every time my anxiety would flare up my skin would feel ablaze, and all I wanted to do was sit in the confines of my apartment and shield myself.

But, tonight I couldn't. I was shuffled into Madison's apartment, looking for various clothing pieces to wear tonight.

"You have to dress like...hot, you know? You'll want Logan to not take his eyes off of you!!" Madison cheered, and dug further into her closet.

I had already denied at least twenty items she "hand-picked" for me. I don't think it was the outfits at this point, I think it was just me.

"You know what you'd really like?" Madison chirped and pulled out a black dress that was way too skimpy. Oh hell no.

I violently shook my head no, "I can't wear that!" I exclaimed. "Can't I just wear this?" I pointed down at my chunky sweater and faded jeans.

Madison's eyes nearly popped out of her head as she looked at me. "Are you crazy?" Madison slumped on her bed in defeat.

"Okay, final offer before I force you into that black dress." Madison began to compromise. "What about that white linen dress you wore to your birthday? That'd be so cute and we can throw a cardigan over it!"

I thought harshly about the two options I had and I'd definitely rather go with the latter of the two.

"Fiinnnne." I groaned and threw my head back in defeat.

Madison let out a squeal and ran toward the door to her apartment. She was clearly running to sift through my dresser and dig out the white linen dress that had small details of lace all over it.

The inner portion of my cheeks began to feel numb from my constant chewing on them. I don't think I was capable of going through with this. I am I barely made it at the last party, never mind one with complete strangers.

Madison shuffled back into the compact space of her bedroom and squealed as she held the dress to her. "It's so cute!! Logan's going to love it!"

I subconsciously rolled my eyes in response to her comment. "So, how long are you guys staying for?" I asked as she handed me the dress to have me go put it on. I walked over to her bathroom and half closed the door before quickly throwing on the dress.

"I'm not really sure yet, hopefully as long as you guys." Madison's muffled voice sounded out.

I walked out of the bathroom and straightened out my dress. I felt silly standing there all dressed up.

"Oh, you looked so pretty!! I love that dress on you!" Madison rushed over to me and grasped onto my wrists. "Logan will love it, trust me."

My cheeks ran hot at her comment. "Thanks, Mads," I said shyly and watched as she began to dig through her makeup bag. Which only meant one thing...

"We'll just put on a little mascara and eyebrow gel on you." Madison shrugged and began pulling out various products. "So, tell me all the updates with Logan. Don't leave anything out!" She exclaimed and sat me down on her bed before applying face products on me.

"Well, I kinda told him about mom..." I whispered quietly. Madison's eyebrows tug together in an expression of worry.

"Everything?" She tilted her head in question. She began powdering my face with a large makeup brush.

Madison was one of the only people in my life who knew the full extent of my mom and dad. She understood the trauma and anxiety I get from it, so I was comfortable with telling her about the little...breakdown with Logan the other day.

"No!" I shook my head quickly. "I was just feeling so guilty... that I was hanging out with him. Especially with what my mom used to tell me, it just felt wrong." I felt the pit in my stomach grow. "Like, I was betraying her by getting close to him."

Madison paused her makeup application and placed her steady hands on my shoulders. "Aww Bells. " She pouted and squeezed my shoulder in a comforting way. "You don't have to feel guilty if you're having fun. That's what life is supposed to be about."

I slightly nodded my head. "I know."

But, it didn't help with the fact that I felt so guilty about getting attached to Logan. It was like the world was slowing down and stopping just for me to spend time with him, and I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

"It'll be okay Bella, I promise." Madison gave me a warm smile and continued brushing various products against my skin. "Besides, I think Logan really likes you." Madison sent me a wink.

I felt the comfort of her words sink down to my bones. I knew I just had to get through tonight and I'd be okay.

I held my breath while she finished up my makeup and kept checking her phone to double-check the time. I knew we had been running short on time, and that Logan would be knocking on my door any minute by now.

Madison dragged me over to the mirror and made me "admire" her hard work, but all I could do was stick my tongue out at her. "Thanks, Maddie." I couldn't help but give her a big grin as she pushed me out her apartment door.

I quickly hustled into my apartment and felt my cheeks warming with anticipation of Logan arriving.

My mind slowly kept creeping over those papers in his office that I was snooping looking at, but I tried to brush them away as much as possible. What would logan have to do with Animal Protection Acts anyways? Was it a donation thing he was working on?

My thoughts took over the next few minutes as I played with the worn bracelet on my wrist. The loose fabric that was coming undone from the years of wear and tear didn't sit well in my stomach. It was the last piece of her that made sense.

The knock on the door pulled me out of my trance and I took the strides over to the door. The air rushed by me as I stood holding my breath in front of Logan. My skin burnt as I suddenly felt out of place like I should go throw on a big bathrobe and wear that.

Logan was silent for a few moments, allowing the air around us to grow thick. I always was shocked to see how tall he was. The size of him alone made me want to shrink down to nothing, but he wasn't anything but nice to me.

"You look absolutely beautiful."

I couldn't help but smile at the comment. "Thank you. Madison insisted on letting her do my hair and makeup."

Logan gave me a warm smile and held out his hand for me to reach for. "Ready to go?"

Before grasping onto his comforting hand, I sent a small prayer to whatever God there might be.

Let me get through this night.

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