Alpha Logan

TWENTY: fault

Bella:

The longer I stared at my phone, the longer the blue light burned my eyes. I sat quietly at the counter at the bookstore I worked in, entranced in the conversation I held on through text message.

It was a slow rainy Wednesday afternoon and I was counting down the hours until I was able to clock out.

The sound of my phone pinging ignited a flame in me.

I wouldn't exactly say he's been ignoring me since the night of the party... but he's been distant.

We've exchanged a few hi's and emojis back and forth the past few days, but it's nothing like the brooding figure I was used to.

Today I wrapped up the courage to finally send a quick 'how are you doing?' text in hopes I didn't screw up everything.

Maybe I was acting too awkward. Maybe he was realizing the massive weirdo I was. I definitely shouldn't have pouted so hard when he refused to do the dare. I just knew my facial expression was childish and immature.

The man probably didn't even like me more than a friend.

I quickly swiped open the text from him. My heart rate was flowing harshly and I could feel every fiber. I was half expecting him to tell me to get lost, but my nerves settles once I saw the response.

Logan: I'm good, how are you doing love?

I felt my face flush as I read the text. He could talk about the moon and I'd still have crimson-stained cheeks. I paused before I decided to type out my response, making sure I had everything spelled out correctly.

Bella: I've been good. I hate to ask this, but are you mad at me? :(

I debated on asking the question, but I could hear Madison's voice in the back of my head saying yolo. I quickly slid my phone away from me; I knew I wouldn't want to see his response at this point.

I should just be happy I was brave enough to even ask him in the first place.

I nearly shot up in my chair when I heard the bell of the store opening. Just being a normal guest, I quickly greeted them and started organizing the stack of books in front of me.

I needed to distract myself from the chancy text I had just sent.

I didn't have a chance to start with the first book before my phone began to uncontrollably vibrate on the desk. The sound echoed through the store despite the soft hum of the radio. I reached my hand over hesitantly to answer the call.

I knew I should focus on the work at hand, but I was more concerned about a man who consumed all of my thoughts.

"Hello?" I answered quietly, trying not to distract the customer that trailed the aisles.

The voice on the other line cleared his throat before he began to speak to me. "Why did you ask me that?"

The tone of his voice had my heart rate slow to a barely there pulse. It was so deep and full of...displeasure?

I don't know why but he sounded so vengeful. It instantly filled my eyes with tears and I could feel myself regretting everything about my decision.

He was mad at me. I couldn't believe how foolish I was to even ask him that. Of course, he was mad, I had no reason to pout at the fact that he didn't kiss me. I should've acted better.

I attempted to swallow down the dryness in my throat as I was grasping at anything to say. "I-... I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make you feel like that-" I began to spew out different excuses as to why I acted so stupidly.

"Bella." Logan interrupted me and I paused.

I looked up to see the customer leaving the bookstore and I found comfort in the fact that I was now alone. I felt the tears flowing down my warm cheeks as I heard the stern voice call out my name. I knew at this point I had screwed everything up. It was only a matter of time until Logan told me to leave him alone.

"I'm not mad at you, do you remember what I told you at the party? That if I could've, I would've." Logan's voice stayed stern and steady, his tone not parallel to the words he was saying to me.

I didn't say anything as the hot wet tears trailed down my face. I couldn't stop the flow of them at this point and I didn't want him to know I was so upset.

I attempted to clear my throat to calm myself down. My shaky hands held tightly to the phone as I thought of my next moves.

Should I hang up? Would that make things worse?

"Baby?" His voice seemed softer, calmer this time. It was the voice I was used to. The voice that lulled me to sleep and encapsulated all my thoughts. "Are you crying?"

I shoved down the lump in my throat as I tried to contain myself. "No, I'm not. I'm just uh yawning, yeah I'm really tired y'know?"

It truly was the best excuse I could come up with.

"Fuck..." The obscenity echoed through the phone. "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to make you cry. I just- fuck there's no excuse for me talking to you like that. Are you at work?" Logan's gentleness didn't falter as he spoke to me.

"Yeah I am, but I'm really busy. I have a bunch of customers lining up to be checked out. I should go anyways, it's okay." I breathed deeply into the phone. "I just wanted to call and apologize, so I'm really sorry."

My shaky hands abruptly hung up the call. I needed to collect myself in case someone came in and needed assistance.

In, out, in, out. I followed the breathing exercises I was taught.

I slumped down in the chair, feeling absolutely hopeless. I couldn't believe how easily I was able to screw everything up. It was like a specialty of mine.

I knew I need to get some work done before I went home today but the inevitable sadness followed me around like a dog. I began to organize the stacks of books that piled up on the desk.

I was lost in a cloud of my own thoughts when I heard the bell ring once again. I instantly sobered up to give my best customer service.

My eyes connected towards the doorway and my heart plummeted to the floor.

Logan.

Within three long strides, he easily made his way over to me. Logan didn't hesitate to step behind the counter to stand beside me.

The elephant in the room became increasingly bigger as Logan studied my tear-stricken face. His large hand reached up to grasp my jaw, pulling my face up to look at him.

The silence comsumed me as he just stood there and studied my face.

"Bella," Logan paused as he continued the examination. His eyes appeared like he was in an inner battle with himself. "I am so sorry. Please forgive me, I have been under a lot of stress from...work. It's not an excuse, but a reason why I've been so distant lately. I'm sorry love, I should've never talked to you like that." Logan whispered, pulling me closer to him. I felt his soft fingertips brush lightly against my arm.

The gentleness of his voice soothed my once anxious brain. "It's okay. It's my fault really, I shouldn't have-" I was about to carry on my destructive thoughts but was interrupted once again.

"You don't believe that, do you?" Logan's voice breathed out easily as his lips were inches from mine. "You have too many thoughts in that pretty head of yours. It's not your fault, never your fault."

I could've melted right then and there, as his perfect plump lips locked onto mine.

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