It's been a little over a year since Leilani has been missing, will the family give up hope or will they focus and find her with everything going on in their personal lives?
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Lei
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Do you believe in miracles? Write about a few miracles you've witnessed or experienced and how that changed your view of life.
April 12th Leilani Esteves
I use to believe in miracles but now i don't know if I truly will believe in them the way that I use to. I know there's a god who's watching over me and protecting me, but if we being honest I think he forgot about me because why did he let all that stuff happen to me? I would talk about it with my husband and he would try to reignite my faith in miracles and just god in general but I guess I can't get pass the lesson he's trynna show me as my husband would say. A few miracles I've experienced is seeing my friend finally get pregnant and we didn't even know she was little as hell we thought she was just sick but no the bitch had a whole baby come out her coochie and I got to deliver him. Another miracle, me pushing out my triplets through my vaginal. When I first wanted to do it the doctor said it was a huge risk and would cause stress on my body pretty much all the reasons on why I couldn't and I look back and see that I did that shit! It's actually a miracle that I'm still with my husband after all the shit we've been through if you ask me. Even just going back to the beginning he was sent to kill me and because of my baby by a bastard he didn't now that I think about it if I wasn't pregnant would he have still done it? ....shit now I'm noticing my whole life is a miracle because I was supposed to be dead on many different occasions but I'm still here so yeah. Another thing I'm learning is that my youngest daughter Ezrael is a miracle to us me and my husband. A while I go I got pregnant and my age and pregnancy didn't wanna mesh together anymore long story short after I miscarried I got my tubes tied. My husband was so mad at me and honestly I was mad at myself because if we being honest I love my kids, I love creating kids with my husband, I love having a big family and I actually wanted ten kids lol. But all that came to a stop when i got my tubes tied but I was still getting pregnant for some reason and everyone I would miscarry. My daughter is the only child that survived after all the miscarriages I had after getting my tubes tied. Doctors say my body healed itself but I say god healed me because he knew we wanted more kids. But if I'm being brutally honest I use to wish that she was part of the pregnancy that miscarried. I had got kidnapped and raped and that's how she was conceived. Going to therapy help me realize that although it's not ideal god didn't rule me out just stay with me. I've learned most of the things in my life happened for me and not to me. My daughter honestly saved me from the hands of my abuser! He wouldn't let me die no matter the attempts. I was willing to leave my son with this man because I didn't wanna fight anymore and boom I found out I was pregnant and my abuser started treating me way better than before I even had a very small voice. So yeah I'm learning to love my newest miracle which is my daughter. Although the way she was conceived, Her pregnancy, and her biological father hurts she is separate from them memories. She saved me despite how I use to feel about her. I guess you can say I believe in miracles again I just have a tough time trusting the outcomes .....
