In My Deep Memory ( IN REWRITE )

I- Night Shift

"April 19th,

From as far back as I can remember, I have always been a carefree and cheerful girl. I used to have a lot of fun, loving games. I talked a lot and enjoyed helping people, especially older kids who often had some difficulties. I was unaware of the effect I was having on them at the time;
I just bumped into them, talked to them, forced them to have fun with myself even if some people did not really appreciate that. I simply used my innocence and my desires. I also sustained that I had friends, friends that I grew up with. We were close enough, we shared everything - good or bad, joy or sadness, happiness or unhappiness. We were inseparable, we had a lot of fun together, our games, our nonsense...

I remember it as if it were yesterday. I must admit that I was always well surrounded; not only did I have friends my own age, but I also had older, more mature friends and a loving family. For sure, I was happy.

And yet... I was not. I am not. I have always known solitude. I do not know why or how, but it has always been the case. It could not be seen, I did not know it, however I always felt this little emptiness inside me. They were present, but I could not see them, and they could not see me. Strange, but that's how it was. Certainly, I loved them, and I was quite close to them, but I did not feel their presence. They were ephemeral.

Today, I no longer know these feelings. I buried them deep inside me. The small void has widened to make way for a huge chasm. Loneliness took a big part of me. From the carefree and happy little girl, I became a dull, obscure and icy person. I do not talk to anyone, I do not receive anyone. Everything that happens around, leaves me indifferent. Feelings, I do not know them. It is not that I am unhappy, far from it; I simply chose to be who I have become: a lone wolf.

I lived in one of the best neighborhoods in California, in the northeast part of Silicon Valley. My father was a renowned scientist and my mother ran a large industrial company inherited from her father. I had missed nothing. But I was far from being a spoiled little girl like most children in a similar situation.

On the contrary, my parents taught me to do everything by myself and not to live at the expense of others. Already, as a child, I took care of the small tasks compatible with my age by helping my mother in her work. It cheered her up a lot. My father often told me that I was his little crownless princess. Obviously, I would have liked to own a crown, however he had explained to me that in life the crown must be earned. I did not understand what he wanted to insinuate so I contented myself with his remarks.

After all, when you are young, you do not pay any real attention to what the adults say, since they are often complicated. I was very close to my parents. Although their respective work is quite busy, they never left me out. Granted, there was time when one of them was away for quite a while, but, they explained to me and gave me a set time. I never felt left out or abandoned.

Sometimes, I came with my father during his research or when he succeeded in developing new products. I enjoyed that so much. I also went with my mother, just to know the business and learn how to manage it, because, soon, she said, I will take it over. I liked walking along the corridors, playing with the elevators, greeting people by sometimes putting myself at the reception. I have to admit that I attracted many people. It would have seemed to me that they all liked me.
After all I was only five years old.

My parents had friends who were both colleagues and relatives. My father's best friend, a scientist like him, had married my mother's childhood friend by chance, therefore it was always a party with them. Besides, they were also our neighbours.
I had the right to have fun with their children.

The eldest was two years older than me, his name is Michel. The younger one was my eldest by a year, Sophie, and the youngest, was three years apart from me. Her name is Iris. I praised them. We also had other companions, eventually Michel's friends. I had a cousin who often visited us. He was also present to keep me company, the rare times when my parents had to be absent at the same time.

His name is Miguel and he is two years older than me. At first, he and Michel did not get along too well. Let's just say that he was jealous that he was no longer my focus. But at length, and the innocence of childhood, they ended up supporting each other and even becoming friends. That said, I remember that one day, we had a hide-and-seek tour. My friends hid me for as long as possible on purpose and my cousin could not find me. It pissed him off. In the end, the youngest one ended up revealing the prank, and since then, they have become very close. What good memories!

Occasionnally, we teased each other throughout the day. Anyway, Sophie always had that impulsive nature that had the knack of exasperating my cousin. As for Iris, she had an angelic trait that she used skillfully to get what she will. Even her parents, sometimes, found it difficult to resist her. Michel was calmer, less talkative and quite distant.

Nevertheless, he always had this kind and friendly look towards others. What his lips do not utter, his eyes dictate to him. Miguel was like him but quite different in his own way. He really did not let any deep emotion show in him. He was more of a withdrawn type. He did not like the company very much but strangely he accepted everything Sophie inflicted on him without frowning.

In short, they were unique. So different and yet so complementary. Well, from my point of view as a naive child. The years passed and we had lived like this; growing up in the peace and harmony of a happy family life and a pleasant company. Therefore, everything had to be shaken up that night..."