In My Deep Memory ( IN REWRITE )

VII- Boarding school

October 31st,

"I hated people, they hated me. It was reciprocal and that suited me. I was angry, angry at my aunt and her 'lovely' husband for sending me to this backwater. I was mad at the Randers family for leaving my care to my busy aunt. Angry at mom for leaving me, at dad for abandoning me.

I was more angry with the madman who dared to rock my life. Basically, I was mad at the whole world. Little by little my anger turned into rage and then into a deep hatred for everything around me. And since nobody wanted me, I didn't want them either.

I started to feel this emptiness. It was always there but I felt it for the first time. Thus, I cried, cried for the world to hear me, cried my misfortune, even if I didn't will to, I couldn't help it. To believe that this is the way that a child finds to make her pain understood.

In vain. I often ended up in the principal's office. At first, she was very understanding but at length, she ended up being fed up and putting the truth in my face, like what, the next time, she would punish me as I behaved like a spoiled and capricious girl. So I shut up.

Yet, that did not lessen my anger. I started to bully everyone, especially boys. This also often ended up with the headmistress, but surprisingly, I was not the one receiving the punishments. So I took the malicious pleasure of attacking the boys older than me who subsequently ended up running away from me to avoid the sentences, which amused me immensely.

Everyone was afraid of me, well, that's the impression they give me and avoid me, to my great satisfaction. Except one. Her name was Fathim Mahed. She is metis. She was new too and we were table neighbors. She didn't talk much because of her shyness.

In fact, she didn't speak at all, except to stutter. This drew mockery from the other students. At first, I didn't care, after all, it suited me since we had to put up with each other for a long time and I don't like talkative people.

One afternoon, at the end of class, when we were all asked to go back to our buildings, she accidentally bumped into a fourth-grade boy, a real bully. This latter tried to intimidate her, which clearly worked. Everyone openly laughed that she started to cry. I couldn't bear it anymore. Then, I put myself between them.

He also began verbally assaulting me. As I didn't talk much, it was my fists which answered him. We ended up at the principal's office totally messed up. It must be said that we had not gone from dead hand. It was probably the most violent. We were stuck for a week cleaning up all the school mess, which deepened our mutual hatred.

Yet, that didn't matter to me. After this incident, Fathim and I became friends. She is less shy when you know her closely. And I talked more, especially when we met in our dormitory. I had omitted that we shared the same room. I was starting to open up a bit and be less brutal. Hope had blossomed in me.

I was no longer alone, at least I felt surrounded again. And then at the end of the year, I received letters from my beloved cousin telling me about his school year and eagerly awaiting my return for the holidays. I also received letters from my friends.

Sophie with all her sordid questions, Michel always with his shy air - even in writing he doesn't change - and Iris with her clumsy words. I had missed them. I smiled while reading them. I was thrilled. Above all, I was in a hurry to see again and to leave this prison, although for a short time."

***

The hours passed slowly then came the weeks and the months. The holidays were soon over. The little girl watched day and night for her aunt's arrival. But nothing. Her hope waned as the days passed. Finally, when she understood that they would not come, she was so mad. He had promised her that he would pick her up, that they would spend the holidays together.

He had even told her about his new games and told her he was looking forward to seeing her again. But they did not come. Her friend had already offered her to accompany them, but she refused because she was certain that they would come. The holidays have always been the best times of schooling.

However, it was also a time of idleness for those who cannot leave the boarding school. Students with families are luckier because they can go back during the holidays. As a result, many students left the premises, the buildings were almost empty. Arele was the only one left in her neighborhood. She often walked in the deserted corridors.

Sometimes she talked to herself, conversing with the portraits hanging on the walls.

***

March 3rd,

"Hey, hey are you all alone princess? Your friend has left you or abandoned you," came a voice behind me, while I was strolling as usual.

I turned around to find myself face to face with this guy from the fourth grade, whose name is Axel Kennedy. I ignored him because I didn't feel like arguing. But he didn't let it go.

"You become mute, little marmot? Last time you were tougher. Unless you're too depressed 'cause everyone's letting you down," he said, laughing sarcastically.

It was the last straw. I slammed him against the wall despite my small size and growled at him not to get involved in anything that doesn't concern him. It made him chuckle.

"Oh, you finally wake up princess, you know what ? Since it's just you and me now, you'll just have to cry," he retorted, tossing me aside.

I was going to reply but he held me back, which surprised me because the last time he was more feverish. Noticing my expression, he smirked. What happened next, I don't really know How to describe it. Everything happened quickly.

I only remember the surprise of the effect of his warm lips on mine and the feel of his hands burning my skin. I didn't even realize what he had almost done until I finally got into my room following the intervention of a supervisor. I was previously aware that this boy had a reputation as a womanizer but I never thought he would come after me.

We were enemies. Although I admit that it is not the physical which misses the top of his thirteen years. Which was not my case. My ten-year-old brain was slow to understand what was happened, but even despite that, I realized that he had stolen something precious from me and I was enraged.

How could he? He hates me, I hate him, how dare he? These were the question that kept repeating itselfs in my little head. The more I thought about it, the more I didn't sense and the more I hated him. I was disgusted. I never left my room after this incident. I then spent my holidays in this dump, killing time.

The holidays ended, classes resumed and I entered the sixth grade. We later learned that Axel was fired for excessive misconducts, much to my satisfaction. My college and high school years thereafter were uneventful. Twelve years, now far away from me. I write those lines to remind me that my life was not always easy but I'll go through it. It's time for me to move forward. Maybe the sun will finally rises. "