Bulletproof my Heart

10. I know you want this too.

I likey this chapy!

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Chapter 10: I know you want this too.

The silence is chilling. Nimit looks like he's suddenly ordered to pack his things and move to Mars. It's a mix of confusion, trepidation and concern. His brows furrow and he shifts uneasily on his feet.

"Okay. About what?"

My heart pounds, my palms growing clammy. And although I had mentally prepared myself for this conversation, now I just wanted to run and hide under a mattress and never see another day. I knew this was a defining moment for us, a moment of sheer truth and this question had been bothering me for days, nagging my brain, driving to the brink of insanity and plummeting me to the darkness of overthinking.

I needed answers. And I needed them now.

I take another deep breath, trying to steady my voice. "About the one night thing you mentioned the other day."

His eyes widen just a little in understanding and he takes a step forward but I take a hasty step back. It's best to keep some distance between us, for my own lucidity. Nimit puffs out a heavy breath and snakes his fingers through his still damp hair, ostensibly frustrated. "Look that was just something I said in the spur of moment. We were alone, had a little wine, good food. your father wasn't around, nobody was. It was just momentary. A thought I ended up blurting out."

I look at him challengingly. "Was it? Was it just a spur of the moment?"

Nimit avoids my gaze. "Yes. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have been so crude. That was uncalled for. You were right, you deserve better. You deserve someone who can give you countless nights, a forever."

The issue is I don't want a forever! I want you. However, I can get.

But that's a recipe of heartache, isn't it?

Oblivious to my thoughts, he continues. "I was – a little drunk."

I have to scoff at that. "From two glasses of wine?"

"Three."

"I have seen you drink 5 glasses of scotch and still manage to shoot an apple from a tree. Don't give me that lame excuse." I snap back, now annoyed at his audacity to lie to me. "Don't I at least deserve to know the truth? Give me that. It's been eating my brain. Why – why would you suggest one night? You were sober, you knew what you were asking, you were dead serious. What I want to know is why?"

Nimit hisses through his teeth, clearly exasperated by the force of this conversation. But I don't budge down. I fold my arms across my chest and match his annoyed gaze with a fierce one of my own. "Is your answer so bad that you can't even say it? Is it so insulting, so depraved?"

Nimit's nose flares and I see a flow of expressions cross his usually blank face. "You want to know why I suggested that? Fine! I can't get you out of my fucking mind! Since the first time I laid my eyes on you. You were standing at top of the stairs, wearing cotton white shorts and a blue full sleeve top. You had no make up on, bare and real and you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen." He walks closer but I am too frozen with the veracity in his tone to move back. "I was awestruck. Fucking immobilized."

"I knew who you were but I had only seen pictures of you." His thumb brushes across my cheek. I hold my breath. "They don't do justice to the real you, the beauty you are. I was spellbound. I wanted to turn around and walk away right then. I knew that being your bodyguard meant you were off limits, that there was no way anything could happen between us, it was completely forbidden. But it was too late. I was already in your father's office and he was signing the contract. There was nothing I could do except torture myself everyday by being so fucking close to you and not having the liberty to touch you, to make you mine."