and we forgave

Chapter 31

NESSIE

"You are so lucky", this woman tells me as she picks up her child from today's reading session. I chose to read Little Red Riding Hood to the kids and they seemed to love it. I recognize her. Her son always comes to the reading sessions and she's always there to pick him up.

I raise an eyebrow surprised at her. Why does she think I am lucky?

"You have such a talent in reading stories out loud", she continues, noticing my surprise. "Will come in handy when the baby arrives."

I raise my eyebrow even more. And she looks shocked at me, assuming she made a mistake."Oh, I am so so sorry", she begins, shaking with her whole body. "I thought that..."

"No, you're right", I cut her short, if only to see her relax again. "I can't wait to read stories to my baby."

She smiles now, brighter than I've ever seen on one of our costumers.

"What week are you in?", she asks me.

"Five months", I respond. I almost can't believe it. It's already been five months of being pregnant. One could say it gets easier with time but it doesn't. It only gets more painful. And the excitement of meeting your baby is killing you day-by-day, knowing that there is so little time left.

"Your husband is a very lucky man", she replies.

I swallow hard.

"I'm not married yet", it's all I say. I can't help but clench my jaw. I've been getting this a lot lately. Every single damn day there is a random person asking me if I am married. I am not. I only live in the same house with the father of my baby, we're not together or anything. For Adam and I have been living for more than a month together now, but there is still nothing between us. I mean, he still loves me and I can tell it. He always is there for me, makes tones of cute small gestures, brings me breakfast in bed and offers me flowers.

I don't love him. I don't hate him. I've started to like him. More and more every day. But not enough to call love.

"I'm sorry", the woman whispers.

"It's fine", I lie, fake smiling. "You wouldn't be the first one to assume that."

Or the last.

~

I'm cutting vegetables as Adam walks in the house. It's been two weeks since that meeting with that woman at the bookstore. Two weeks in which I've got the question again for another thousand times.

I've been thinking. Maybe I should get married. With Adam. Thinking about it, there are mostly only plus-sides. He and I can both agree that I'll stay in this house. He'll stop having random girls flirt with him twenty-four/sev. I will have security that in case one day he decides to stop loving me and walks away, he will still be connected to this family. And in case I am in a low phase, I'll still get a bit of money to provide my baby a living. I generally don't depend on Adam's money. I like having my own and being independent. But I have to think about every worst case scenario.

And then there would also be the issue of where Adam and I are standing. Now we're only people living in the same house who have a baby together. We could be married people waiting to start a family.

Sounds better.

"I'm home", he shouts from the hallway. I am pulled back to reality and continue cutting the tomatoes.

"Kitchen", I reply.

I can hear some footsteps then I see Adam entering through that door and coming to me. "What are you making? Smells delicious", he tells me while washing his hands at the sink and coming to help me cook. He is usually the one cooking but tonight he texted me that his meeting will run late. So I decided to surprise him with dinner.

"Didn't know what you like most, so I stuck with some pasta", I answer. He smiles at me, while rolling the sleeves of his shirt.

Those arms...

"I love pasta", he tells me.

I smile. "I'm glad. Pasta it is."

We cut in silence for a few seconds, then he asks me to tell him about my day at work. I tell him everything and ask him to tell me in return. He signed a new contract today and is pretty happy about it. He can't stop glowing with pride. I smile at the view.

As the pasta are ready, we bring them on the table I already set before and start eating. It's after a few bites that I tell him. "So, I've been thinking..."

Adam must have sensed something is coming since he immediately freezes and stops eating to look at me. I am afraid to continue. Afraid of what he might think. I continue anyhow: "I've been thinking we should get married."

Adam goes pale. Full-time pale. And almost chokes on his pasta. "I'm sorry, what?!"

"I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. If we got married, it would feel like I actually belong in this house..."

"Because you do belong here", he interrupts me. My cheeks burn at his remark but I look past it.

"You could also stop worrying about the thousands of girls who flirt with you daily. I noticed how much you hate it. And people will stop asking me weird questions about how I got pregnant."

"I'm pretty sure it's pretty obvious how it works", he mumbles. I look past that too.

"I know it's a lot to ask but could you please think about it. You don't have to tell me the answer now, but..."

"Sure", he cuts me short.

Wait..."What?!"

"Will this help you?", he asks me worried.

I am still too shocked, so I answer honestly. "Yeah. A lot."

"Then let's get married", Adam responds. He stands up and brings his plate to the counter, ready to start washing it.

"Oh, okay", I let out, still confused about how quick that went. "Thanks. I really mean it", I add. Then take a deep breath. "And don't worry about proposing or so. It would cost a lot and it's not necessary. I know the reason we're getting married."

He looks up at me from the dishes. And I can see sadness flicker in his eyes. It somehow breaks my heart. "I wasn't going to propose anyway."

"You weren't?", I ask, and for an unknown reason I feel a little hurt.

"No", he answers convinced. "I have loved you for so long, proposing to you when it's clear you don't return the feelings doesn't feel right. I will propose to you, Vanessa Shannon. I'll ask you to be mine. But only when the time is right. Until then, I have no problem sharing a wedding band with you. I am already only yours to have."

And without giving me a chance to say another word, he disappears to his room saying "If you'll excuse me."

I remain like struck by a lightning at that table.

What the heck have I done?