Rogers (Steve Rogers AU) 18+

17

Delta

"You've been walking around with a face like a slapped ass for a week". Joanne points out as I arrive at hers one evening for dinner. I could literally come out and say that Grant was the one slapping mine last week, but currently I'm in too much of a mood. That and we said we wouldn't breathe a word to anyone about what went on.

What went from a great night then went to a crappy week, with him avoiding me at all costs after our conversation the morning after. So I've stayed away, kept my focus on Emmy and have brought her to the store any time I could. And it seems Jo's noticed as my presence this week has been more than it has since I started working for Grant.

I'm not gonna lie when I say he was the best sex I've had. Everything from start to finish was just explosive. Even after when I thought he'd turn away and keep his distance from me once we finally decided to sleep, he kept his strong arms around me because technically the night wasn't over until we woke up.

And I enjoyed it. I liked drifting off exhausted and sore in someone's arms who had made me feel like the only woman on the planet. He made me come more times than I expected from myself in just one night, each one as intense as the other.

"I'm fine". I lie as she just sighs and passes me a bottle of whiskey from her stash (which she's not meant to be touching with the meds she's taking).

"Drink".

"Why?"

"Because perhaps you'll cheer the fuck up". She says as we sit on the sofa. "I don't know what's gone on, but it's clear that Grant's probably pissed you off".

I nod. "Pretty much".

"Am I allowed to know why?"

"Just a disagreement". I reply and she drops it, knowing that I wont be saying any more. That doesn't stop her from looking at me suspiciously though. "It'll pass, you know how he gets. Just a couple of things he said pissed me off.

She nods. "Well whatever it is, it'll pass. He don't mean most of the things he says. We've butted heads before about stuff and he's always admitted when he's been wrong and apologised. He'll do the same to you. Just give each other space".

"We have been". I tell her. "And you're right...he'll come around. Maybe I should apologise as well".

"Well one of you needs to, can't be not talking to one another around that little girl. She'll soon sense something's up. You two really want that for her?"

Emmy comes first. She always comes first. Not just for Grant, but now for me too.

**

As I come downstairs with Emmy the next morning, Grant's at the kitchen table - having come in to have a quick breakfast after tending to the horses. He had grunted a 'good morning' when I had arrived before walking out the door.

I couldn't blame him, because I felt the same at 5am too.

I thought I had heard Bucky talking to him down here but he's nowhere in sight so I'm guessing he's gone home to grab a bite to eat.

Grant looks up at me. "We need to talk".

I pop Emmy down so she can play with her toys in the living room and then turn to him. "Yeah...I guess we do".

He gestures for me to take a seat across the table from him and I do. "First off...I wanna apologise for being an asshole to you the other morning. I had a lot to think about, I was adamant that we needed to just draw a line under what happened and that we could actually go on as we were - but I was wrong..."

His eyes flicker up to mine. "When you left? Emmy waved goodbye to you and called you 'Mama'..."

My heart stops. I can't imagine how painful it must have been for him to hear that. But his next words? They're what surprise me the most.

"I don't want her calling anyone else that". He gets up and makes for the door. "I haven't been honest with you either, and I hope you're able to understand why once I've shown you". Beckoning me to follow, I grab Emmy and we head upstairs, Grant now opening the door to the room that he told me was a no go area.

As I walk in, I look around and see the posters, the awards that are on the shelves and then catch sight of the Oscar that is on the shelf at the far end. He takes it from there and passes it to me. "My name isn't Grant Rawley..." He begins as I now look at the inscription on the Oscar.

Steve Rogers.

How did I miss this?

I look up at him and then to the film posters, and then back at him again. It's so obvious to me now that I feel like a dumbass for not making the connection earlier.

"Just hear me out. Please..." He says and I nod.

He tells me everything, about his acting, about how he needed to protect both his wife and Emmy from the media. How he was ready to give it up for them before his wife was killed in her horse riding accident out on the ranch...

He tells me that he walked the red carpet at his very last film premiere just mere weeks after she died...

Joanne knew everything. She was there for him in the aftermath, the whole town rallying around to help protect both him and Emmy, and to keep their secret to stop the media from finding out. This is why he can't trust easily. This is why he's so very private.

I remember reading about it in magazines. One day he was there, and the next gone without a trace. Without any explanation why.

Once he's finished I look at him, the lump in my throat pulsing as it struggles to be swallowed back down. "Jeez Steve, I am so sorry..." I begin, but he stops me.

"No...I'm the one who should be. I pushed you away but really I've been fighting with myself over you from the moment I saw you".

A lightbulb moment now goes off in my head. "That was why you asked if I was a reporter". I remember. "You were worried I'd found you".

He nods. "It's always a risk. It always will be - but the truth is? I'm not gonna fight with my conscience anymore. I thought if I could stop feeling what I do for you? I could carry on, feel like I wasn't betraying my wife's memory, but the truth is that I'm miserable when I think of what I can't have".

"And what's that?" I ask, heart literally about to take flight from my chest.

"You". He says sincerely. "I've wanted you from the moment I saw you, but it only fell into place when that guy was touching you at the bar. Emmy loves you, she's the happiest I've ever seen her..." then he looks at me. "And so am I, even though I didn't think that I could be considering that I'm a grumpy asshole".

He doesn't have to say anymore, because I walk over to him and kiss him hard. His arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me into him more, bodies pressed against one another. "I'm sorry I'm not the man you thought I was". He says as I pull away to catch my breath.

I shake my head. "Whether you're Grant Rawley or Steve Rogers, I don't give a shit. I just wanna know you for you". I say and then lean up to his ear. "But...while we're on the subject. What name would you rather I scream when you make me come?"

The corner of his mouth twists into a devilish grin, a look I have never seen on him before. He's smiling...

"Steve".