Too Far Gone (Don't Save Me Book 4)

Chapter 10: Home

Signs had gone up overnight announcing Umbridge had replaced Albus and everyone was in a frenzy as Umbridge took over the school. I was sitting in Minerva's office, spacing out as Minerva held my hand. Neither of us were talking; we simply sat in silence, knowing nothing would ever be the same. Severus entered the room and I could see the worry on his face as he approached me.

"Professor Y/l/n," he murmured, kneeling down. He looked between Minerva and I curiously. "I thought I might find you here."

"She stopped speaking after... yesterday's events," Minerva explained.

"What exactly did Albus say to her?"

"He said we needed another member... he believes there is no other option."

My breath hitched as she spoke, though no other sound left my lips. I didn't know what to say and I feared if I tried to speak the only sounds to come out would be sobs.

"No," Severus hissed. "She is not joining them."

"She's already been to see them, Severus... Albus believes she can gain their trust and... he believes she may be our only hope at winning this war."

"Then where the hell is he?!"

"He had no choice but to leave, Severus... they were going to take him to Azkaban."

Severus huffed in annoyance, clearly frustrated with Albus.

"Please stop," I whispered, my voice coming out croaky. His eyes softened as he took my hands before looking up at Minerva.

"Any change in her skin?" Severus asked, being careful how he worded it in case there was anyone listening.

"No," Minerva replied. "She's just been like... this." I could feel her shift as she gestured to my unmoving form. Severus turned to me once again.

"Darling, talk to me... what do you want to do?"

"I want to go home."

"Darling, I- I'm not sure I understand."

"I do," a familiar voice interrupted. I looked around the room, trying to determine the source of the voice. The fireplace sputtered and I turned to find Sirius's face staring back at me.

"My apologies but I was trying to get a hold of you when I heard..."

I smiled, standing up and moving toward the fireplace.

"Hey, Pup... what's going on?"

"I'm so tired, Sirius. I don't want this. I just... I want to go home." I knew I sounded like a child but I could no longer care. I could feel my skin growing warm and I just wanted everything to stop.

"I know, Pup... I know," he soothed. "Albus came by and told me what you have to do."

"I-I can't, Sirius. I can't betray-." I stopped, the words catching in my throat as I knew Sirius wouldn't understand.

"I feel anything I say... it won't be helpful, love. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. What can I do... h-how can I help?"

"I need to go home."

He smiled softly, though it didn't meet his eyes. It was a sad sort of smile, one which seemed to cross your face when it was time to part ways, when an era reached its end.

"Darling," Severus murmured, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Where's home... if not here?"

"Malfoy Manor," Sirius replied. My eyes found his in the flame and I could feel the tears forming.

"We'd hoped to keep her away from this... the prophecy was clear," Severus muttered to Minerva, but my mind couldn't seem to register what they were saying.

"Where's Remus?" I asked.

"He's right here, Pup." Sirius moved to the side and Remus's face came into view.

"Hey, love. You doing alright?"

I nodded but the moment he furrowed his brows and searched my eyes the facade began to slip.

"Sweetheart, talk to me."

"Rem, I... I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm betraying someone no matter what I do... it hurts."

"What hurts, love?"

"Everything," I whispered.

Remus nodded in understanding. "I know, love... I know."

"What do I do, Rem? Umbridge is bound to fire me any day now... perhaps it would be better if I just left... if I just went home."

"Sweetheart, if you leave, Albus will only have one person left on the inside. You cannot give her what she wants. You cannot let her win."

"Rem... I can't explain it but something is... pulling me back there. I-I think I have to go back."

Remus's eyes flashed to Severus and they shared a look I couldn't quite understand but there seemed to be an unspoken understanding there.

Remus sighed before turning back to me. "Y/n... do what you feel you need to do."

"Remus," Severus warned, clearly not liking where this was going.

"Cassie was clear, Severus... it has to be her choice."

I turned to Severus, confused, but he simply shook his head, the look in his eyes clear: not now.

"Look, she doesn't have to do anything right now, Severus, but... Albus was clear... we don't have long."

Severus wrapped his arms around me, almost as if he was afraid I might run off and join the Death Eaters right then and there... though to be honest... I couldn't deny that that is exactly what I wanted.