Too Far Gone (Don't Save Me Book 4)

Chapter 36: The Start of Term

The next few days seemed agonizingly long as the term began. The first day of term Harry was nowhere to be seen as the feast began. Suddenly I saw Severus enter the Great Hall with Harry. My heart raced as my eyes fell upon my godson, his nose bleeding, as he sat at the Gryffindor table. Severus sat next to me and I looked at him curiously.

"Tonks sent a patronus... a wolf. Harry was found on the train," he muttered.

My brows furrowed as he spoke, though a small smile spread across my face at the mention of a wolf patronus. Remus.

***

Harry later informed me Draco had punched him after discovering him eavesdropping. I tried not to show my nervousness as he explained his theory that Draco was now a Death Eater and had been given a mission from Voldemort. All I could do was listen as he spoke, knowing there was nothing more to say.

***

The first few weekends of the school year there was always something that stopped me from leaving. Finally the 5th weekend approached and I packed a bag. I had some unfinished business to attend to and I could feel the rage coursing through me as I walked through the corridor, plastering on a smile to any students I encountered.

"Y/n!"

I sighed, turning to face Severus as glided toward me.

"You've packed a bag... for the weekend," he noted.

"Nice observation skills, Snape," I retorted.

"Can I ask where you're headed?"

"Does it matter?"

"It does if you intend to do something stupid."

"Our definitions of stupid are very different," I hissed. "It was stupid of you to hide the information about the prophecy from me. It was stupid of you to hide the fact that at one point you knew my mother... and it was damn stupid of you to make an unbreakable vow!"

"Darling, I had no choice. Bellatrix didn't trust me and-."

"Why does her opinion matter? He trusts you and that's all that matters."

"Yes, but she has his ear... one sliver of doubt and he could kill me, Y/n."

"I wouldn't let that happen."

"You wouldn't have a choice, my darling." His hand pushed a strand of hair behind my ear as he spoke. "I fear what would happen to you."

"Haven't you realized by now, Sev... that I would die for you?"

"Don't you dare say that."

"I mean it. Just because I am angry with you and... and hurt... that doesn't mean that I want anything to happen to you... nor would I let anything happen to you."

His eyes filled with tears as he spoke. "Please understand... I only did what I thought was best. Albus was afraid it would be too much for you."

I scoffed. "No, love... he was afraid I'd choose the wrong side... that I may no longer be another pawn for him to control."

He gently stroked my cheek, listening intently as I spoke.

"You're going to Malfoy Manor... aren't you?" he asked softly, looking down at the bag in my hand.

I nodded.

"Well, you're not going alone. I'd like to accompany you... if you'll have me."

I nodded. "But let's get one thing clear. If you're coming you need to have your story clear. You are there to make sure I don't kill her."

He nodded, waiting for me to continue.

"You stayed at Hogwarts not only to secure your place as a spy but because I needed you."

He nodded. "I was afraid your uncle might break out of Azkaban as it's never been the most secure place and I didn't want to leave you alone."

I smiled as he continued.

"Though... that's not entirely a made up story, my darling..." He took my hands in his. "I didn't want to leave you and once I defected to the Order it was far easier for Albus to let me stay but the reason he let me stay... the very reason he believed I'd defected is because of... because of my patronus."

My head tilted in confusion as he cast the charm and a (your patronus) began running around us both. It nuzzled its head against my leg before soaring away.

"It's the same as mine," I whispered, ears filling my eyes.

He nodded. "The reason I told Albus of the prophecy was because of you. Of course I cared about Lilly but I knew it would destroy you if anything happened to them and... I still failed to protect them."

"But you tried, Sev. That's all that matters. W-why didn't you tell me your patronus was the same as mine?"

"I suppose it just never came up," he chuckled. "We weren't a thing then... you were with Black and I wanted you to be happy."

I gently touched his cheek and his eyes closed. I smiled softly, trying to focus on this feeling of contentment. I was furious with him for lying but my fear began to overtake my anger as I worried about our future. What if he failed his task? What if, in the end, he couldn't do what needed to be done? Could I live with the knowledge that I'd lose him forever? Could I live with the knowledge that he'd have to murder someone in order to live?