through the sand, for you. (gaara x reader)

chapter thirty eight

"Can't do what?" I say through harsh breaths. His hands on me have my skin feeling alight like a small fire is dancing across me. I ignore the sensation across my skin and put my hands on his shoulder pushing him down from me. As I do this he drops his head against the side of mine, kissing my neck. I put more pressure on his shoulders. He stops kissing me and puts his hands on the door, bracing himself. Along with trapping my body against his. His chest is rising and falling heavily. The air in this room is suffocating, the heat in my chest has now melted into anxiety as Gaara remains quiet.

"I need you." His mummers against my hair.

"You lost me," I say just as quietly.

"I didn't mean to." His tone has changed completely, my heart sinks.

"But you did."

"There is a reason behind it. It had nothing to do with you."

"That's the issue, it had nothing to do with me. If you really needed me, you would have made it about me. Or at the very least spoke to me." I push lightly at his chest and his arms drop.

I walk over to the small bed, I hear his steps following me from behind though he remains silent.

I fall onto the bed. I push myself up against the headboard and watch him. He is moving slowly. I can see the thoughts and emotions swirling throughout his head. I can see him thinking, he is staring at me but his eyes are blank.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" My voice is hushed. "Or are we going to keep playing this game and dance around each other until you tell your new 'wife' that you fucked a 'random' girl?" I quote the words, wife and random. Signifying the difference between the word and the person. I am currently getting fed up with this whole situation but I know neither of us can just walk away.

We are magnets. Polar opposites who still attract. No matter what is between us we are pulled together.

He sits on the end of the bed. He hunches over and balances his elbows on his knees and places his head on his hands. The words drip from his mouth. It starts off slow, a few words and then he lets it all go. I know it was related to the village elders but it was the timing that never made any sense to me. Our relationship was becoming smooth and it was blossoming. But the fight, the ball, all of it never made sense. The fact he turned up with the Princess on his arm.

He was threatened.

I guessed as much. His position was going to be taken if he didn't get married and Luna was the perfect option the elders had promised. Promised. 'The Princess of the Sand' Luna, the daughter of a Feudal lord, had family in the Mist Village. Prominent family. And apparently, a deal had been struck without Gaara's permission let alone his knowledge. It apparently would create a peace treaty between lands making The Sand even stronger.

The part that makes my stomach drop, is that when he found out the reason the night of the ball he didn't hesitate. He chose the village over me and ran to her. And what hurts more is that I understand why he did it. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest. It genuinely had nothing to do with me, and will continue to have nothing to do with me. And I hate myself even more because I understand the situation but it still hurts so much. My emotions are clouding my mind. It's the ninja in me fighting my emotions.

"God," I whisper.

"I am willing to try." he mutters, "for you."

"But then what will happen?" I run my hands over my face and bring them through my hair. "This will create issues and I can't just fucking forget everything. I can't put it down to just the village's actions."

"Yes but-"

"No Gaara, I just can't ignore your actions and what you did to me. You handled this horribly. As well as the fact that this will cause issues. Issues that you will have to fix, and that could damage a relationship between villages. Even though you didn't create this issue, it is the elders that have a fucking issue with control." I stop my rant. As the words fall out of my mouth the reality is becoming more apparent to me.

He doesn't say anything. We know this is falling apart. Tears are starting to pool in my eyes.

Moments of silence pass. What are we meant to do?

"Y/n I-" He starts.

"No Gaara please don't." I shake my head, and the tears fall at the movement. "We can't do this."

"We can." I feel him shift through the movement on the bed.

"How?" I look up at him and hold his gaze.

"I don't know." He says quietly.

"You expect me to believe that you will choose me over the village? You the Kazekage?!" I drop my tone.

"Yes," he states.

"For fuck sakes Gaara!" I stand up. "You didn't hesitate to drop me, and change your attitude and take up the Princess for the sake of the village. Half of it I can understand, but you didn't have to treat me like shit." I turn away from him and stare out the tiny window, "God what's even worse I still fucking love you everything."

"You actually love me?" He stands up on the other side of the bed. He was watching me, and it looked like he didn't believe the words I had just said.

I stop dead in my tracks. "Of course I fucking love you! You think I would be acting this fucking crazy for someone I didn't love?!?" I stare at him.

He doesn't say anything and we just stare at each other. The tears start falling again.

"I lo-"

"Don't! Don't you even dare!" I am crying again. "You do not get to say this after everything."

"Fine then I will fucking prove it to you." He puts emphasis on the word 'prove'.

"Really?! Prove it to me?" I can barely see through the tears.

"Yes." he looks so torn, so overwhelmed but slightly determined which makes the air get caught in my throat.

I can't say anything. I just stare at him, I have to hold back a sob at his next words.

"I would count each grain of the sand of the land I fucking rule for you." His voice waivers, "Y/n I would walk through the sand, for you."