You belong

20

When the others wake up from their sleep, they all go through a process similar to Jungkook's.

They're first happy to see me awake, they hug me and even kiss my face, then they learn that I don't remember anything anymore and they cry before taking a time outside of my room to process and compose themselves.

Most of them recover fast though, or that's what they want me to believe, but one of them has a harder time doing the same, and in a desperate attempt to make things better, there comes a day when Taehyung is forced to stay alone with me while the others head to work.

It's been an hour now since we've been left on our own, and he hasn't looked at me even once, his eyes fixated on his hands as he sits on the couch in the corner farthest away from me, as if scared of what would happen if he came too close, or maybe he feels like he doesn't deserve to.

I play with my fingers for a while too as I glance at him from time to time, feeling a bit awkward about the atmosphere that sometimes takes over when it's silent for too long.

While I could get used to some of the other alphas during the last few days - mostly Namjoon and Yoongi since it was easier for them to skip days of work while the others had important meetings and appointments to attend - there's still some weird tension in the air whenever I notice them overthinking their words.

It's like they're not sure of what to say, as if they don't want to reminisce about things that I can't remember.

I can see it on their face that they struggle to put the past aside to create something new, they're attached to what happened before I forgot everything, no matter how short it was, and I get that. I wish I could remember for them, the good things, but my memory hasn't reacted to anything so far.

The doctors believe that it goes deeper than a simple amnesia, that perhaps my memory was entirely wiped out to protect me, but we can't know for sure so soon. We don't know if it might be triggered in the future, and I know that my mates are not ready to give that up so fast.

"Taehyung" I finally speak his name aloud when the silence becomes too uncomfortable, and the alpha startles into a straighter position, eyes still not rising to meet mine. It's already more reaction than he's shown all of us so far, but it's still unnerving to see.

I sigh.

"Do you regret meeting me, Taehyung? Before my amnesia, I mean".

His eyes widen and he finally looks at me for the first time since I woke up, disbelief on his face as if I just spoke the most nonsensical thing he ever heard. I'm honestly just glad that it finally made him see me.

"No! I could never regret knowing you, Y/N, never. I just... don't deserve you. You're in this state because of me, I carelessly let my emotions get the best of me that day and look where that brought us. If anything, you should be the one regretting to meet me, this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for me" he utters the end with a bite in his tone, then shrinks back lifelessly on his seat.

I hum, then rest my head on my pillows to stare at the white ceiling.

"It's hard to say considering that I forgot everything. Maybe you're right and this is all your fault, who am I to say the opposite when I have no recollection of what happened?" I let out with a shrug, and I feel him shrink even more, clearly wounded by my words.

His smell of violets is weak, almost like dust. I turn my gaze back to his drooping form.

"But that's my lost memories' problem, isn't it? In those I have right now, and those I have yet to make, I want you to be part of them. Aren't we mates? Am I supposed to feel better if you always hide from me? Because to me, everything is new, so what you're doing just makes me feel like you don't want this with me".