Beloved Burden - MileApo

Chapter 7 ~ confusion ~

"I'm not going to apologise, I kept telling you to knock it off" Phil said after the kiss had ended and he'd seen the look on Tan's face.

In truth the face sheet incident had been a perfect excuse because he'd had the urge to kiss Tan from the first moment he'd laid eyes on him in Chit's office and he hadn't been disappointed. Phil reluctantly climbed off Tan's body and offered his hand to help him up.

"well I'm not saying sorry either, over reacting much!" Tan replied grabbing Phil's hand and allowing him to pull him up.

They both sat back down on the sofa but this time left a good deal of space between them.

"didn't you ever think to ask if I was allergic to anything that might be on the mask?" Phil said.

Tan's mouth fell open and he felt himself blushing, Phil was right, that was something he hadn't considered and he felt stupid and embarrassed.

"you're right Phil, that thought never even crossed my mind and I should have asked, I am so sorry, what is it that you're allergic to?" Tan asked.

"nothing but it's the principle, still ... I got you to apologise" Phil laughed.

"you really are the worst kind of asshole Phil, so what was that kiss all about then?" Tan asked.

"you were there, it just happened" Phil lied, his heart was still racing from that fucking kiss, so much so that he hadn't wanted to end it.

"I'm going to bed, help yourself to more wine if you like" Tan snapped. 

Phil was hard work, sometimes he felt like they were getting somewhere, that maybe they could even be friends and then he always had to ruin it by trying to get one over on him and what the hell, he'd kissed him just because he was there and it had just happened?

Tan grabbed his basket of skin care products and swooped down to pick up the one that had been discarded, luckily Phil hadn't thrown it on the rug so a quick wipe with a tissue was all the floor needed before he stomped off towards his bedroom.

Phil watched him go and felt like a bastard, Tan had been the perfect host, he'd made him comfortable, cooked for him, pampered him, offered to bake bread for him and he just had to go and ruin it by opening his trap but how could he admit to the kid that he was attracted to him.

He wondered if the attraction was mutual, he had certainly felt Tan's arousal as they had kissed and that was one of the reasons he had pulled back. Tan didn't need someone like him being attracted to him, he deserved someone better, someone educated and sophisticated, not a college drop out. 

Sighing he walked towards the guest bedroom and rinsed his face before laying on top of the bed, he wasn't used to sleeping in bed anymore.

Tan sat in his room, his fingers feathering over his lips as he remembered the kiss. How could Phil do that and brush it off as if it meant nothing, that was his fist kiss, his first proper kiss, not kisses for acting roles, they didn't count.

He remembered the feelings as Phil had initiated the kiss, his hand supporting his head and protecting it from the cold, tiled floor. The softness of his lips as they glided across his own, the tiny licks of his tongue on his bottom lip before he nipped it and then licked it again.

It had felt sensual and erotic and Tan wondered if Phil had been able to feel his hardness between them and if he was disgusted and how was he going to face him in the morning?

Tan heard the music and realised he'd forgotten to turn it off so he crept outside and when he saw that Phil had gone to the guest bedroom he walked over to his sound system and turned down the volume until it was barely audible then shut off the feed to every room except the guest bedroom.