What You're Worth // Billie Eilish

Part XVII

A noticeable amount of turmoil had been brewing since Billie and Gillian's altercation with Malik.

She saw him less, but still more than Billie would like. It was either for Eli, to retrieve more of her things, or to initiate a mature discussion— which of course, never worked in her favor.

Tonight, the inseparable pair stood on the balcony of Billie's apartment, talking for what was nearing an hour now about the fight and what a future without Malik might look like for Gillian.

Billie, who had been leaning over and resting her arms on the edge, stood up straight and faced Gillian. "I just want what's best for you, you know that right?"

Gillian hummed and peered out ahead at the view, unable to look her lover in the eyes. Maybe it was shame or something adjacent, she was unsure.

"Do you?" Billie's voice was low and a little hoarse from drinking.

"I do. I see how much you care about me. It's all the little things..." Her voice trailed off.

"Gilly, look at me." Billie insisted, searching for the truth in her eyes.

She took both of her hands in hers and grazed her thumbs over the tops. "You're stressed, aren't you?"

"If only you knew." Gilly scoffed amusingly. "I wish I had met you before him. It would've saved me so much heartbreak." She smiled weakly.

"That's the one thing I can't do for you. But I can promise you a greater future. One that's filled with love and respect. I'll marry you and give you a family that's whole. If that's what you want, I got you."

Gillian rolled her eyes teasingly, her words doing wonders in making her feel bashful. "You're drunk, you're just saying that."

"I'd still say it if I was sober." Billie tilted her head a bit, a little grin playing on her lips.

"Yeah?"

"Of course. But you gotta want better for yourself too. It can't just be me. I know it's hard, baby, trust me. I've had my share of ups and downs."

"You always know what to say, don't you?" Gillian guided her Billie's hands to her hips, craving more intimacy.

"I've been told."

Gillian's eyebrows quickly furrowed together and she pushed Billie back a bit, hands on her chest. "By who?"

Billie shrugged, her smile slowly turning into a smirk. "People."

"Don't piss me off. You were doing so good."

"I'm sorry if I like to see you a little jealous."

Within an instant, Gilly was swooning again.

"You're distracting me, I'm tryna have a serious conversation with you."

"We can talk more later. I promise. I'll help you figure shit out with what's-his-face when you're less stressed."

"What's his face? And you're the one talking about me being jealous?"

Billie sucked her teeth, "I'm not jealous of him, I just don't like him and I don't want you seeing him anymore. What's there to be jealous of, huh? I have you, don't I?"

Gillian began to mindlessly play with the jewelry around Billie's neck. "You're right, you've got all of me. But sometimes seeing him is unavoidable. If I could take back all of the years with him I would."

"I know you can't help it. But that doesn't mean I like it either."

"What're you gonna do about it?"

"We'll talk... after." She repeated, enunciating each word clearly.