My Angel

CHAPTER 12

BECKY

11:00 AM. It's not even exactly half a day, and it already feels like a lot of things have happened. Sitting down on my bed, I suddenly felt empty. It's only been a few days since I started staying with Freen, but my room suddenly feels foreign all of a sudden. It feels unnatural for me to be here, but it also feels right at the same time. It doesn't really make sense, but somehow it does. I don't really get it.

I lie down on my back, more like let my body fall on my bed, and finally let myself be overcome with all the exhaustion and pent-up frustration. Freen left. She's not here anymore. I can't just go to her whenever I want. I can't just call her for whatever. She's not going to be next door to welcome me whenever I go there on a whim or even when I visit. She's not going to be available to listen to my problems and complaints. She might not even be able to talk at all. She's really not here anymore. "Haaaaa!" I let out a long and loud sigh as I let the realization sink in. I put two hands to cover my face, startling myself when I felt water on my face. It was only after I checked that I realized that I was crying.

I let out a bitter smile, feeling a bit stupid for being the way I am now. That night that I'd decided to stay with Freen for the remaining time she had before she left, I told myself that the tears I shed that day would be the last tears I'd shed for this matter, but look at me now, crying again. I already did all I could to spend as much time with her, but I guess her absence is still affecting me very much. Well, who am I kidding? Her absence can and will always affect me very much. No matter how many memories I make, being with her is still what I want and long for the most. If there was one thing that I regret, it is that I didn't get to confess to her how I felt before she left. It's not like I didn't try, but whenever I do, there's always something in my way. Maybe I didn't have enough confidence or determination to confess, but I should have done so. I really regret that I didn't do enough to be able to push through and actually confess.

"No!" I told myself, shaking my head vigorously as if I were trying to shake away the thought. "I should think positively!" I tried to convince myself. Maybe this is for the best. If you think about it, Freen might still be looking at me as the little sister that she always has, so if I had confessed to her, I would have faced heartbreak before I could even start to say or even do something.

"Four years" I whispered "I have four years until she comes back" a plan was already starting to form in my head. I sat up so abruptly that I felt dizzy for a little bit. "Four years is more than enough to make myself better suited for her" I said once the dizziness was gone "I'll be better and show her that I'm the best girlfriend she could find" I could feel my determination soaring sky high, and it made me feel like nothing could go wrong as long as I do my best.

Since then, I have stopped moping. No more tears are to be shed; nothing but determination remains. I didn't stop hanging out with my friends, especially Yuki, but I did reduce my time going with them to play or have fun. I dedicated my time to learning, whether at school or in life. It did shock the people around me, especially Richie. He kept on asking whether or not I'm sick for me to suddenly stop partying with my friends, which I practically begged him to accompany me with since I am still not allowed to go by myself, but I simply ignored him and his teasing since I have a goal I need to meet.

I started a routine. I would wake up early and spend at least an hour doing exercises to keep myself fit and healthy. I also started eating healthier, and though I still eat the same, I simply choose to eat the healthy ones. Once done with my exercise, I would take a shower and prepare my things for school. I would listen to my teachers and classes, ask when I didn't understand something, participate more in class, and even exchange ideas with my classmates that I used to not do before. Sometimes, I would even go to the library to get some extra reading to understand my lessons even more. By the time Richie picks me up from school, I make sure to be done and ready to go. I take a shower to relax myself after a day of studying, then get myself some dinner before going back to my room to finish all my assignments and maybe take some time to reread or recall the lessons today.

I was basically going to and from school unless there are occasions that I simply cannot be skipping. I was so focused on my goal but I made sure not to neglect the people around me, my friends and my family. I always make sure to be there for them and show them that I care. After all, I'm doing everything I can to be the best version of me and everyone around me is and will always be a part of me, a part of the world that I desire to have.

Before I knew it, I already graduated high school. I became the valedictorian as a result to all my efforts and that truly made me and the people around me super happy. I know that someone told Freen about my achievements because she sent me a gift with a letter, congratulating me and praising me for my works and rewards. Reading all those truly made my effort worth it. I will do my best to improve myself more for Freen, for me and for our future.

There's not much time left. Soon, Freen will be coming back home. I will be the best version of me and then I'll finally confess to her. Soon

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