My Angel

CHAPTER 17

BECKY

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

That voice,

That tone,

That look,

That moment,

It all came back in a blink of an eye.

That uncertainty and nervousness I felt back then came back a hundredfold, but I couldn't do anything but wait to hear her answer. I can hear the pounding of my chest as the clock ticks by, feeling numb for my surroundings but heightened hearing for her voice.

"Come on" I heard Richie say. "You know you can tell me anything" he urged Freen to tell. I wanted to take a peek and see their facial expressions, maybe get a hint of the answer, but my body seems to have forgotten how to listen to me and simply stood in place silently. "Actually—" I heard Freen start to say, and I felt my hand clutch harder on the tray. I am afraid to hear her answer, but I want to make sure that I do.

"I didn't have dating in mind when I went there" she continued, making me feel more anxious with every word. "I went there with the intention of getting my degree and come back home as fast as I can"

"It was really hard, and if I'm being honest, it was very lonely" she admitted. I can hear the sadness in her voice, and it made my heart ache for her. "I'm very glad to have met the people I met there, to have made the friends I got there. They were really a big help to me in my stay there" her words made me happy that she had managed to have a good time and met good people during her time there, but I can't seem to get rid of this foreboding feeling in my gut. This is one of the moments that I want to be proven wrong with my assumption.

"I really had no thoughts of dating—" she stopped for a moment and I have this feeling that I already know the rest of her words. Still, I don't want to assume, so I'd wait for her and hope to be proven wrong "—but I met him" she finally answered.

I did kind of see it coming, but I still can't believe it now that I'm hearing it. My mind became blank, I couldn't hear anything, see anything, or feel anything. I was numb, and I didn't know what to do. I have always been so sure of what I should be doing, but now everything is blank. Nothing. The only thing I can feel is the pounding in my ears that seems to be so loud, it's deafening.

A loud sound of plates breaking, utensils clattering, and food falling brought me back to my senses. I must have been so shocked that I didn't even realize that I had let go of the food tray that I was holding. I deliberately and carefully picked the food she likes, but now it's all over the floor.

I do feel disappointed about the effort I have exerted with regards to the food and deeply hurt about the news that I have accidentally received, but unlike my usual self, I am not ready to face it all yet. I am not ready to face her yet. Yes, I have missed her for the longest time and want to be by her side as much as possible, but my heart and mind are in a chaotic state. Both need time to process everything.

With that in mind, I immediately left my hiding place, forcing myself to move my body, which seemed to have become frozen in place. Having no longer any desire to stay there made me want to run as fast as I could, dodging whatever and whoever I came across. I basically flew off the stairs and slipped through the room, neither looking around nor looking back. I did hear our parents call out to me, but I didn't pay them any mind. I really just want to be out of here as fast as I can.

The distance that had felt so long before suddenly feels too short right now. I want to be as far away as I can, but I could only go as far as my room. It's my only solitude and comfort zone at the moment.

With my door closed and locked, I was able to let my guard down a little. I let myself lean back on the door and took a deep breath. Hearing the news took my breath away way more than the five minute sprint that I just did. When my legs finally gave in, I found myself seated on the floor.

"Freen now has someone by her side" I blurted out unknowingly. The spot that I've always thought belonged to me is now being occupied by someone else. All my work and efforts has gone down the drain, and I can't do anything about it.

I suddenly felt something fall on my hand and was surprised to see what it was, Intuitively, I reached and swiped my face swiftly, finding it wet. It was only then that I realized that I had been crying, making me let out a bitter laugh. "This is all on you" I said out loud "Who said that Freen will not find someone she loves? When she does, who said that it would be you? Why did you have all those fantasies that you two would be together? Why did you give yourself such a hard time by going for such unattainable goal?" the questions just keep coming out by themselves.

"You have no one to blame but yourself" I stated before I pulled my feet together, hugging my knees to my chest and leaning down, finally letting all the tears flow.

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