My Angel

CHAPTER 30

BECKY

"Don't you think having dinner together would be fun?" he asked the rest of us.

I know that it was a harmless and genuine invitation to spend more time together, but I'm already reaching my limit. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep myself composed, exposed within the vicinity of their date, hidden behind the excuse of a simple and lovely outing with Freen's friends.

I did my best to decline as politely as I could so as not to have her angry at me again. I don't really need a second reminder of where my place is in her life; the first time was more than enough. I have to admit that I may have done something bad; that's why she got mad at me, but it's her shouting at me that really got to me. Never in all my years of living did anyone shout at me due to anger, not even Richie, whom I often have quarrels with. I do get irritated, but I know they were all friendly banter between the two of us, so I never really took it to heart, but this one was different. The impact was just too much for me to handle, but my pride kept me from collapsing right then and there and break down into a full crying session.

I'm really getting tired of crying because of something inevitable.

As soon as I sat down on the passenger seat, I began my plan of not talking to anyone by buckling myself up, slumping down on the seat, and closing my eyes. There's no way that I would be able to sleep being in the situation that we are in now, but I'd rather have a bad case of stiff neck by spending the next hour in an uncomfortable position due to my pretending to sleep than keep up a farce of me being fine and potentially have them invite us out for dinner, which only means more time to spend with them and suffer by watching the two of them be lovey-dovey with each other.

"Here we are" I heard Richie say as I felt the car pull into a stop. I can feel my curiosity rising but I held it in and kept up with my sleeping act. "Thank you for taking me home" I heard him say "Please say goodbye to Becky for me, she seems to be fast asleep. I don't want to wake her up" was the last thing he said before I heard the car door open and close again.

The rest of the car ride home was quiet and uncomfortable, but nonetheless better than when there were four people. I know that Richie and Freen know that I wasn't really sleeping, but they let me be, and for that, I am grateful.

The next time that someone said something was when we finally arrived at home. Richie declared that we were home, and that was the cue I needed to finish my act. I left the car as fast as I could. I did think of saying goodnight, but I decided not to and simply left.

When I arrived in my room, I suddenly felt relieved to be left alone and happy to no longer need to pretend that I'm okay. I honestly thought that I would end up crying the moment I stepped inside my room, but I didn't.

It's a good thing that I didn't bump into anyone on my way home because I know that everything about me is screaming that I'm not alright, and I really don't want to talk about it at the moment. I need some time alone.

I closed the door behind me and made my way towards my bed, only to find a rather comfy seat right by its side.

I stated, recalling the events of the day, and was met with a rollercoaster ride with my emotions. I was missing her so much when she wasn't here. I put so much effort into bettering myself so I could be with her proudly as the best version of me, only to be met with the news that the position I was aiming for was already filled with someone else. The pain was simply too much for me, so I went into isolation. Despite it all, I wanted to make our relationship better and not simply give up on reaching my goal, so I listened to Irin's encouragement, only to be met with disappointment. Even today, I knew that I would only be presented with such scenes, but I still chose to go along with it. I didn't really think that everything would go the way I wanted it to, but I never imagined that I would get scolded and shouted at by Freen. Saying that it was painful for me would be an understatement.

"I guess it's really time for me to accept it and move on" I found myself saying out loud "My years of one-sided love became unrequited and unsuccessful" I thought to myself as I put on a sad smile and looked up at the ceiling.

Not long after, I heard a knock on the door, followed by the door opening "Bec" Richie called "You should take a shower and come down, dinner's being prepared" he informed me, and I looked over to him and said, "Ok" I answered him but was surprised when I saw his face become overtaken by panic.

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" he took large steps to get to me as fast as he could.

Crying? I wonder what he's talking about.

"I'm not cryi—" I was about to tell him, but my words were stopped midway when my hand touched my face and I felt that it had become damp "Huh?" I raised my other hand and was soon met with a damp cheek on the other side of my face.

I looked at my brother, who's now down on one knee, and he looked at me with a look of despair. I couldn't process it all properly in my head, and I simply felt confused.

"Why am I crying?" was the only word I was able to utter.

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