My Angel

CHAPTER 24

BECKY

"So what do you plan to do now?" Irin asked me the moment that I finally settled down.

I sat down on my bed, eyes swollen, face puffed, and just plain exhausted. Today was really too much for me to handle, and I was glad that Irin was here with me, always supporting and always helping me.

Now that I'm feeling a bit lighter and my head a bit clearer, I can actually wholeheartedly believe that Irin was right about confronting this as soon as possible to finally enable the both of us to resolve the issue and move on with our lives. Thinking that I was rejected before I was even able to confess my feelings does hurt, so much so that it really makes me want to cry again, but I know that I have to be honest with my feelings to actually explain to everyone why I'm being the way I am now.

"I should talk to Freen and tell her honestly how I feel" I recited my answer as if I were answering a question from one of my professors. I no longer feel bitter about it, but that doesn't mean that I'm happy about it either; I'm actually feeling really sad. "That's a good start" Irin encouraged. I know that she knows how I'm feeling right now, and I can tell that she's trying to handle the situation the best way she knows how. Her effort is something I'm truly grateful for.

"After telling her how you feel, what will you do next?" To be honest, I kind of expected the question, but it made me speechless nonetheless. Frozen in place as I try to figure out the possible scenarios of how the talk could result.

"Honestly" I started after finally collecting my thoughts "I can only see two outcomes from the talk that I plan to do" I informed her as she sat there right in front of me. She didn't give me a reply, instead she gave me a nod, as if waiting for the next words that I'm about to say. Understanding the situation, I proceeded.

"First is that if after I talked to Freen, she would feel disgusted with the idea for the reason that she has only ever looked at me and treated me as the little sister she grew fond of throughout the years" I explained, laying out the details that I so hope not to happen, something I wish to only be a lie or something that only exists in my head. Still, I know that this scenario is the most likely event that will happen, and I should prepare for the consequences. "If that happens, Freen might actually keep her distance from me" the thought itself is painful, but I kept on talking "My feelings would be the reason for us to drift apart and might even cause a rift between the two families" I added, now feeling worse because of my own train of thought. "If that really happens, then I wouldn't be able to forgive myself" Realizing what I had just said, I quickly put my hand over my mouth to stop myself from talking.

I wasn't actually meaning to say that out loud. I know that Irin wouldn't want to hear something like that from me, and seeing the way she raised her eyebrow, I can tell that she's not happy. "Don't say that!" was the only thing she said about it, and I quickly nodded my head a couple of times to let her know that I understood.

I do understand what she meant, but thinking about such scenarios really does make me feel nervous. If my feelings would truly cause Freen and me to drift apart, I would do whatever it takes to make sure that our families would not be affected by any of this at all.

I vowed, silently this time.

"And the second one?" Irin inquired, seemingly losing her patience due to my silence.

"The second scenario would be that if I tell Freen how I feel and she's ok with it" I answered immediately, not wanting to anger the girl further than I already did. 

"And if she's ok with it?" she asked, a bit calmer this time.

"If she's ok with it, then that's it" I said "She will still be with her boyfriend, happily dating and loving each other" I truly regret saying those words. I had a different scenario in mind when I thought of saying these words after all. "But as the kind-hearted person that she is, she would feel bad for me" I continued. I can feel my chest tightening once again and the tears started pooling behind my eyes but I tried my best not to cry again. "Seeing her look at me with such a sorry expression" I couldn't bring myself to continue but I pushed through "It's something that I don't even want to imagine"

Despite my effort to stop myself from crying once again, my eyes had betrayed me and let a single streak make its way down my face, which Irin brushed off immediately.

"You know, there might be a third scenario that you haven't thought of yet" Irin stated serenely, as if she's being careful not to make me cry.

"What is it?" I honestly don't see any other possible result so what she said really intrigued me.

"There might be a possibility that after you two have your talk" she paused for a moment and examined my face before finally continuing when I tilted my head a little and I raised both my brows, giving her a questioning look. "P'Freen might regret having to be with her current boyfriend and she might end up realizing just how she truly feels for you" she finally told me.

What she said was a collection of simple words that are easy to understand but for some reason, maybe because of how the words are arranged, it is taking me some time to comprehend.

"I'm not trying to give you false hope, you know that's something that I will never do to you" she told me and I understood "I'm just basing this on my years of experience being with the two of you" she explained but I simply stayed there, looking at her.

"I guess what I'm truly trying to say is that, don't give up hope just yet" she said after a few moments of silence "They might be together now but you will never know what might happen"

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