Why not? - English

13-02 First Aid Fiasco

I didn't know how to go forward or back. We functioned perfectly during exercises and missions, but in between everything was strange. It always hurt to meet Penny and know that she loved me, but that I'm not being able to hold her, kiss her or show it to her in any way. It was probably the worst decision I had agreed to in my life and yet I had to live with it. I had made a mistake and I would do it again. I would do anything to protect her, even if it meant giving up my life. However, I understood only too well that this frightened her. I just couldn't bear the thought of losing her as well.

And now I had lost her. Different than we thought, but inevitable.

We promised each other that we would remain friends and that would never change. But right now the pain was too overwhelming for me to pretend that everything was as usual. I missed her too much for that. It was irrational since we hadn't been close much before, but I have had hope. Knowing now that I would never be close to her...I had to come to terms with that first.

Would we have had a chance if what happened with the batteries hadn't happened? Would I get another chance to prove to her that I could and wanted to be more careful? I would do anything to be with Penny, not only to make myself happy, but also, no, especially to make her happy.

As much as it hurt to see her every day and know that she was unreachable for me, it hurt even more to see how unhappy she was.

I had jumped over my shadow today and have had enough of her thoughtful mournful expression. Elvis and Helen were my oldest friends. I trusted them not to think I was stupid if I tried to put a smile on Penny's face, so for once I'd volunteered to play the injured man. A nice side effect was that Penny have had to bandage me beforehand and I had watched her spellbound as she put one bandage after another on me - on my upper arm, on my hand, on my right forearm and finally Helen had ordered too to get my left leg splinted, while she only had Elvis put a bandage on my head and told him to use plasters to take care of minor injuries - which is why I was sitting here on the cloakroom bench in the hall, still trying to pick off what felt like a hundred plasters from my uniform had previously overlooked because Elvis had once again exaggerated excessively.

It had been so strange that Penny had treated me, even if or precisely because it was just for practice purposes, and had been so calm about it. Normally we would have joked around and teased each other, and she would have thought of something to tease or tickle me. But nothing like that. She was taciturn and in a dark mood, so I tried to get her out of it by acting like a seriously injured person and loudly pretending to be in pain. Unfortunately, it had amused Helen more than Penny, who had withdrawn rather skeptically.

Nevertheless, it had comforted me again when Elvis had snatched the stretcher from her hands and let me fall so that I could see how anxiously she had wanted to check on me. She had paused and kept a certain distance, but she was still worried about me, as her eyes clearly showed.

When Elvis took me away in the ambulance, a little of the old Penny had returned as she wished me good luck, but her tone was hesitant, just as mine had been when I told her I would need it.

After Elvis threw me through the back of the car during his wild ride, I was in a daze for a moment and had to come to myself to register what had happened. It had all happened so quickly and my back hurt from the rough landing in the back seat after Elvis drove into the hill and the emergency braking threw me through the car. I had heard Penny laughing outside before she opened the door to check on me. The shock in her eyes at seeing me lying there as I had made me decide to give up playing injured for the day. Though it had comforted me that she was obviously worried about me, several times even today, but I had also had a knot in my throat and a sick feeling in my stomach when I heard that Elvis had made her laugh with a stupid saying and not me, no matter what I tried.