Why not? - English

13-15 The Hunt for the Lesser Spotted Wader

I had a day off today, which I had asked Steele for, as I had my written exam in the inspector's course today.

I signed up for it at short notice after finding the flyer on Steele's desk a few weeks ago, hoping it would take my mind off my heartbreak.

Of course, Steele had been thrilled when I told him my decision. Another point less for which he had to cut manpower to be present during the inspection and also reduced expenses from our guard's budget so that there would be more money for other things.

It was still quite a tightrope to attend this course three evenings a week, especially since Sam and I were together again - or rather, finally - together.

I didn't want to tell him yet. Not as long as I didn't have the title in my pocket and I especially didn't want anyone else to know, not that anyone would actually claim that all the qualifications I had worked hard to acquire had gone to my head. So I asked Chief Firefighter Steele not to tell anyone, on the grounds that my colleagues' constant questions about how things were going would put me under too much pressure and make me nervous. He couldn't understand that, as I had completed every course so far as the best and without any mistakes, but he respected it.

Why did I even take this further course? Out of curiosity about the topic. Out of interest in what I could do myself. Maybe a little out of boredom, because otherwise I would probably spend all my free time in the dark caves, climbing steep walls, under the sea or jogging in the forest - and above all, I wasn't getting any younger.

Sam would definitely become Steele's successor. No one had said it out loud before, but it was something no one questioned. Why? Sam had truly earned this title. He was the best person for the job.

I had never thought about leaving Pontypandy, except when the thought occurred to me that Sam and Ellie really might have had an affair, or a one-night stand, or whatever. The more I learned about Sam and got to know him more privately, I realized more and more how wrong I have been.

But my chances of advancement to a quieter job were slim because of my local ties. Sure, I could stay here and move to another station to become chief firefighter, maybe even try for Boyce's position, since he would be retiring at some point and needed a successor. But both would mean leaving my team and so my family and I just couldn't bring myself to do that. I did the training less to secure an irreplaceable place for myself in the team than to be able to slow down later and concentrate on the quieter work when my body would need it at some point.

Now I only had the oral or practical exam ahead of me and then I could proudly call myself an inspector. I wondered if I could tease Sam with this when the time came and he waited nervously or annoyed for the inspector again, when it was time for one of the vehicles again and I suddenly would stand in front of him or tell him that I had already taken care of it. I would be able to fool him quite a bit.

That was also the reason why I had lied to him the day before yesterday and said that I had wanted to visit my parents in Newtown, when in reality I had completed the last few hours of my course. Also why I wanted to finish reading the book yesterday, but I had read it so often during the time I had to distract myself from my heartache that I couldn't resist when Sam treated me to dinner in the garden - and it had been more than worth it. Sam was an excellent cook and he had surprised me with a hammock in which we then had laid, snuggled up together and just talked, looked up at the few stars we could see through the expansive treetops and exchanged a kiss or two - despite our discussion in Venus a few hours earlier. But we both agreed that the dating rules didn't apply to us at all.

I thought back on it with a smile. Sam and I trusted each other implicitly. We knew each other better than almost anyone else and yet he got terribly nervous about the topic to get even more close, as I noticed in the park at the fair and couldn't resist yesterday when we talked about the usual dating rules. It was too nice to see the great fireman Sam, who was otherwise the most self-confident, courageous and relaxed person I knew, becoming so nervous about something that only depended on love and trust, which we both had plenty of for each other. I would bet he was afraid he wouldn't be able to please me. I had this voice in my head, born from my past experiences, that maybe I wouldn't make it with him either and that's why he would run away from me at some point. It had already happened. Why should Sam be any different? It scared me. Got me into panic fear. But I wanted to put the past behind me and the fact that Sam was just as nervous as I was - even if I could cover it up better than him - calmed me down enough to just let everything happen to me.