The Brick Wall

Chapter 45

Curtis POV

  Collins didn't answer me. 

  She didn't give any indication of a silent yes nor a silent no.

  There's a twinkle in her eye, but if I had to guess it's not because of me or the question.

  If I had to live off of reading her body language I'd probably guess she's holding back a 'no' considering she's done nothing but ramble on more about Alexa and Blake's moment of engagement.  She's even gone so far as to pinpoint the exact line in the song that was playing as to when he proposed, mentioning that she's going to create a specific gift using the line to give them for an engagement present.

  "I mean, I guess I may be jumping the gun on that one. Who says there's even going to be a party, or honestly if I'd even be invited.  But we really  hit it off. I could always volunteer my waitressing skills if they've got an open bar."

  I let her ramble the entire ride home.  I tried to not let my disappointment come across physically, but I haven't been nearly as touchy feely with her as I was at Legends. I'd chalk it up to she and Alexa being all gushy over the ring and myself being shoved into a big round of celebration and shots with my teammates but I hadn't even held her hand as she climbed up into the truck.  My hand is throbbing to reach out and touch some part of her, even to brush a finger along her jaw, but I can't. 

  I was an idiot to pour myself out the way I did. Why on earth would I lay all my cards out on the first freaking date. It was an asshole move and I get the feeling she's thinking the same. Like I'd painted her into a corner or something.

  The celebration for the couple took place during the countdown to midnight, so there was no kiss to welcome in the New Year. No opportunity for me to save face and tell her I know I overstepped and didn't expect her to feel like me so soon. Even now as I pull open the truck door and walk with her into our apartment complex, I can't speak the words. 

  Simple words that could maybe at least put one of us at ease. By one of us, I mean Collins, because I've basically screwed myself over.  Vulnerability is not a strong suit for myself. I don't allow myself to be an open book since Lennox came into my life. She's top priority and I pick and choose who gets to be a part of our lives. I wanted Collins to be a part, a bigger part than just the babysitter. But I decided to come down with diarrhea of the mouth, letting myself speak freely the strange emotions I felt for the first time in my life and it's all coming back to bite me in the ass.

  Forget the fact that Collins isn't interested in a larger part of my family's life, I'm losing another babysitter. At this point in time I might as well just bring Lenny to the rink and let her teeth on frozen pucks to the sound of skates and sticks colliding with each other. 

  "You're too quiet. Are you flipping a one-eighty and going back to the big bad, grizzly bear?"

  "What?"

  I step aside, letting her start to climb the stairs ahead of me, my  hand instinctively finding her lower back even though I feel like I should remain a good three feet behind her.  My reach is good, better when I'm holding my stick, maybe make it six feet between us. 

  My  hand is barely touching her coat and yet it still tingles with a stronger want.  "You're acting weird," she reiterates over her shoulder as she climbs the steps.  I keep myself a full step lower than her but her heels put her at nearly my height. 

  "Tired, I guess," I mutter, unwilling to be honest that I am feeling like an ass for letting myself be open and upfront with her. 

  It's not for me. So, broody grump sounds like a good way to be. As Lennox gets older I'm sure it'll come in handy with hopeful boyfriends.