Even those that never fully blossom bring beauty into the world
One may believe my sexuality is the sin in this whole situation, one may defend that what happened between Jordi, and I is human nature and the right way to behave as a man in the society. I feel so guilty, and I do believe that it is the sin because I love him, and what I thought I was doing, the saving myself for someone I love has all gone down the drain in a matter of hours. The worst part about it is I dont regret it. I dont regret sleeping with a woman, making her scream out my name and see her fall apart under me. It was a learning curb for me, now I know I dont have the desire to ever do that ever again. It still doesnt ease my guilty conscious. What if Mthonga finds out?
It wasnt 06:30 yet but I had no sleep left in my body. I left the hotel late night, sneaking out, leaving Jordi passed out. She didnt even hear me kiss her cheek. Now the reality is indeed that I have to go to work today and face her, so running away while she sleeps kind of defeats the purpose. I roll out of bed and head to the bathroom to prepare my bath. I fix the bed and sit down look over my morning playlist. Im not in any mood today, I feel very confused about who I am at this point so my taste in music is also affected. I shuffle it up and one of my favourite songs by Sam Smith plays.
Holy Father we need to talk
I have a secret that I cant keep
Im not the boy that
You thought you wanted
Please dont get angry
Have faith in me
Say I shouldnt be here
But I cant give up his touch
It is HIM I love
It is HIM
Dont you try and tell me that God doesnt care for us
It is HIM I love
It is HIM
I love
I wanted to scream and throw a tantrum. I wanted to fall apart and maybe have someone hold me and tell me it would all be okay. Its true, all I want is him, nothing and no one else but him. It pains me and cuts me up inside to think that I have to go through hell first before I can be free to love him the way I want to. I have made a mistake, I fumbled, and I didnt stay true to who I am. Lord knows how much I love him.
Im not in my best mood today, I especially dont have time for meaningless conversations. Im late today, Im not here first like on a normal day. The office is already buzzing with people not wanting to do their work, busy chatting up a storm, holding congregations. I know they do this when I lock myself up in the office, but now no one knows I havent arrived. I use the main entrance and as expected, they are socializing.
I didnt know that the office was a playground to socialize on. I said walking past them. They all started mumbling amongst themselves and some started moving slowly back to their posts.
Get back to work! they scattered like ants.
I honestly need to change the people that work for me. They are all a bunch of lazy incompetent people. Kelly saw the frown on my face as soon I was walk past her desk and she was quick to stand up and follow me.
Good morning, sir. She said standing behind the visitors chair with her notepad. I took off my blazer and sat down.
Morning Kelly. Please bring me a coffee. She nodded.
Creamy or black?
Strong Black please. Im not having a good morning. She was writing something down.
Im sorry sir. She said so lowly.
YOU ARE READING
Life Under The Rainbow
RomanceA place of peace should be kept scared, but sometimes the peace gets loud. He never knew what falling in love felt like, and he never knew he could ever be true to himself, but when he found him, he found love, peace and self-pride when he met him...
